Friday, December 16, 2011
well, i finally did it. i graduated from cal poly. i entered as an insecure 18-year-old crying in the plaza because i was absolutely sure i would never make any friends. i exited as a slightly more confident, independent person. i am now married, have my own household, and know how to walk in heels. i have experienced friendship on a deeper level than i could have imagined and i am learning how to not run from the things that scare me. most importantly, i have learned that i truly am nothing without Christ. i could never have gotten through without my Heavenly Father guiding me and assuring me this was His plan for me. i skated my way through high school and thought i could do the same for college. this was not the case. cal poly has made me cry, given me more sleepless nights, and that feeling of dread in my chest more than anything else in my life. it was one of the hardest things i have done, and i never want to take that for granted. more than anything, college is about hard work rather than being smart. i consider myself fairly smart, but the hardest part for me was just convincing myself to move forward; to start that paper NOW instead of the night before it's due; to be okay with missing out on this or that in order to do well on that test.
graduation was so good. my parents, brothers, grandparents, in-laws, and uncle came to the ceremony, which meant a lot since it was so boring, but i will say it felt good to wear that cap and gown. the best part was my graduation dinner at uppercrust, where my other aunt, cousins, and uncle came as well. it meant so much to have all these family members who have not just supported me now, but all the way through. i was overwhelmed at first with how many people we had to worry about, but when i saw all of them there for me, i could feel nothing but extremely blessed. i have done nothing to deserve so many amazing people in my life, yet God continues to bless me. that is something i will never understand.
i would never have even started college without my parents. they have always known my potential and given their absolute best to me, even when i have not given them my best. and i know that God gave me james at the absolute perfect timing, only one of the reasons being that i probably would never have finished college without him. he somehow saw through my anxiety and procrastination and always pushed me because he knew i could do better. but after all the blood, sweat, and tears [mostly tears], it was totally God who got me through.
standing up there on the stage in my gown, i felt 4 and half years of stress lift off of my shoulders. i know being a grown-up brings a whole new set of challenges, but i feel ready to face whatever comes with james. sorry for making this super long, but i wanted to write this all down and look back on it one day, and never forget all the people that got me to where i am, because i never could have gotten here without them. thank you Jesus.