frazzled.

this week fooled me. i thought it would be easy and relaxing, but it quickly took a downward spiral into crazy and stressful. but that's the way it is sometimes. here are the things that got me through this week:

1. 2 pumpkin spice lattes from starbucks.
2. a good talk with emily on wednesday.
3. getting my tuesday class cancelled and going to crusade!
4. seeing hannah at crusade and getting entirely too shrill and excited about her engagement!
5. girl talk in the kitchen at my 3rd year bstud.
6. going to farmer's market with my freshman girls' bstud.
7. getting to carve pumpkins yesterday.
8. going to target with stephanie today, and then hanging out with her grandparents.
9. hearing that the jonas brothers are actually NOT breaking up.

tonight i am going to my bstud leader's halloween party, and dressing up as a traffic light. i only spent one dollar on my costume too! happy halloween!

i don't want to do my math hw.

so i will write first.

i am leading a freshmen girls' bible study with megan irene in north mountain this year. it is absolutely like nothing i imagined it was going to be. but it is soo good. we now have three girls, which we are super excited about, and they are all amazing, and i have been so enjoying getting to know them.

last night, we went to farmer's with the guys' north mountain bible study, and it was great. since it's right before halloween, there a bunch of kids running around in costumes. melt my heart. and there were a bunch of people who dressed up creepy with a bunch of fake blood, and the girls in my study decided i would protect them (though they are wayy taller than me), and clung to me as the bloody people passed us on either side. it was so cute, i felt special! it was really nice to get to just hang out with them outside of study. add to it a dozen of little hot donut things for 3 dollars (we all shared, i did not eat them all. though i easily could have), running into a friend, and the crisp fall air, and you have perfection.

it really got me in the fall mood, right until megan dropped me off at my 8pm class. oh well. life goes on. this weekend is going to be great, involving a target run, catching up on hw, a halloween party (where i am dressing up as a stoplight), church, and family dinner at my aunts'. happy fall!

out of the box.

just when i think i've figured God out, He surprises me.

fall retreat babyyy

fall retreat was awesome!! i drove up with my co-leader for bstud, megan, a girl in our bstud, megan, and a girl from another bstud, megan. i felt very left out, not being named megan myself. but the rides up and back were so fun, and we had some great conversations and listened to some awesome girl music, including beyonce, cascada, and taylor swift.

i got to see my family for a few hours during free time, which was really nice, and then i got to hang out with everyone on the lawn watching kajabe. i missed the junior girls round, which was sad, but probably good because i need to work on being less competetive.

on saturday night we had the "high school stereotypes" dance, where juniors had to dress emo, goth, or skater. it was sooo fun and i found that i don't look half bad as an emo kid. my nails are still black. i had a blast dancing with my friends and just making an utter fool of myself, because i can't dance.

the speaker was soooo good. darren mcwaters used to be a speaker at hume, and we were really blessed to have him. i loved that he didn't sugar coat things, which i definitely needed. on sunday morning before we all left, we took communion and had worship, and that was probably my favorite part. darren talked about how we sometimes think of communion as a thing we do once a month at church and don't give it much thought past that, which is totally true of me. he talked about thinking about how peter, john, or any of those guys would have felt in the upper room taking communion, they defintely wouldn't have been thinking about how they still have a lot of emo eyeliner stuck on their faces, or what they were going to eat for lunch. so it was very convicting, and a super sweet time of worship.

that is a very quick version of my weekend, but i had a great time worshipping, fellowshipping, dancing (aka flailing about like a fool), and being away from slo for a bit.

a moment to complain.

today it was raining like crazy. maybe not for someone who lives in seattle, but i live in california, where it is warm and sunny and exactly how i like it.

this is not how i like it.

i do not like having the water seep through my uggs after two minutes of walking to class.

i do not like sitting in class with sopping wet jeans.

i do not like having an umbrella that does not even cover my backpack, and flips inside out every three seconds.

i do not like having wrinkly toes from walking around in my wet boots for four hours.

i do not like having frizzy hair from the rain and my hood.

but things did happen today that i liked.

i liked the carmel apple spice i had today from starbucks, and that i had a giftcard to pay for it.

i liked that i understood math today.

i liked getting to sit in the uu during my break and reading an amazing book called water for elephants.

i liked getting home and replacing my wet clothes with slippers and sweatpants.

i like that for each sucky moment in life, God gives us a million blessings to praise him for.

thoughts before bed.

1. my mom sent me a halloween package that was great. i was really in need of chocolate (it's just one of those days)and lo and behold, my mother pulled through like always and sent me reeses (my absolute fave). needless to say, i've already eaten four. she also sent me some glow in the dark bracelets and bats (go figure. dollar bin at target is my mom's weapon of choice) that will be great for the glow in the dark party on friday for upper classmen only!!! yes i am an upperclassman!! weird. i am going to tie some string to a bat somehow and make a necklace out of it. it's gonna be awesome. and my room smells like peanut butter. i love my mom!

2. i am meeting tomorrow with one of the girls in my freshman study for lunch. her name is megan and she is really sweet. i am really excited to get to know her better!

3. i have been really busy this quarter, and my heart is starting to do that thing it does when i get stressed, which is start racing when i am just sitting at my desk. in the midst of all the stress though, God is really showing himself to me, and keeping me fairly calm. this is good.

4. i am tired. i am going to bed now.

5. i feel like i do lists a lot. i think i like them.

6. i miss caitlin and bailey.

christmas time is here...

okay, so it's not really here yet. but i am so excited for christmas!!! christmas is just my favorite time of the year. i love christmas music. i love that my family goes to home depot and spends a very long time deciding on the perfect christmas tree using a specified formula that involves my brothers and i sniffing the tree to see if it is christmasy enough. i love that we go to my grandma's to make tamales. i love that i can dig mary out of the box of christmas decorations and hang her on my door (mary is this female stuffed reindeer made out of a sock. she has huge fake eyelashes and big red lips and is really ugly and i love her. i don't know where she came from, but she has hung on my door since i was like four, back when i named everything i owned mary). i love that my friends at school and i have an ornament exchange (we will just do it a little later this year, when caitlin and bailey get back from europe!). i love that the smell of cinnamon is in the air. i love that everyone is a little nicer and has a spring in their step. i love that i get to help my dad put up the christmas lights, but he does the tall parts that i can't reach. i love that my mom has been making the same christmas breakfast for the past 15 years at least, but it is the only time of the year we get it. i love that my family and i go to the christmas eve service at church and just have a great evening of worship, thanking God for sending His Son. i love that we get christmas cards from friends. i love everything about the christmas season!

exciting things.

so this year has just been so stinking cool. i am still not very good at taking time out of my schedule to have quiet time to be alone with God, but i find it so amazing that despite that, i have been feeling so close to God lately, starting in the summer. He is always on my mind, and He is really teaching me to be joyful even when i am not happy (such as washing the dishes or doing salad bar duty at work). God is constantly teaching me things this year, and it has just been so awesome!!! i feel like last year, i was really trying to be close to God, but i just didn't feel close to Him. the problem was that i was relying on myself, not God,to bring me closer to Him. but starting this summer, God has just been really revealing things to me, and it's been awesome. it still blows my mind that a little imperfect dorky being like me can have a personal relationship with the Creator of the entire stinking universe! so basically, i am in a place of reverence and awe right now, and just loving how God really works in unexpected and beautiful ways.