i think i have been feeling something lately that i have not been able to put into words. and now i am going to attempt to do just that. words.
i feel like a big part in my non-contentedness that i have been feeling lately comes from feeling like i am turning 22 in 6 days [ahh] and i guess i just thought i would have my life together by now. well i don't. not. at. all.
i am not graduating for another year [my fault], and as a result i guess i feel like i am still a little kid while everyone else i know is starting their next adventure.
in my dream world, i would be graduating, moving into a nice new beautiful apartment where i would have the money to buy brand new beautiful things and wear nice clothes, cook things, throw parties, have a pupppy, etc.
well, welcome to reality. none of this is happening. i know that the Lord has a plan that will be so much better than mine, but sometimes i just wish God's plan involved a sink that didn't plug up, anthropologie clothes, and a golden retriever.
so i am trying to learn to be thankful for the things that are happening in my life. not settling for less, because one day i will graduate and move on the the next phase, but that is not the stage i am in just yet. i am not settling, i am just learning to be happy in the stage that am in. i am looking for the good moments, because i tend to overlook them far too often.
so for now, i am thankful for the dew on the pasture across from the booth. i am thankful for waking up early and experiencing peace before most people wake up and the day starts. i am thankful for a quiet date with james, where we can be content sitting in the bookstore reading our respective books, not talking, and just be still with our feet intertwining. i am thankful that i can have honest conversations with caitlin and bailey, and i know they will not judge me. i am thankful for clean sheets and bright flowers and purple sharpie pens.
tonight, i will curl up on my ragged leather couch in my pajama shirt from target with the holes in the armpits, my hair in a messy ponytail, and study with a spirit that is thankful for the opportunity i have been given. a grateful spirit is always a process, but it is a process i plan on starting now and not finishing until i breathe my last breath. and i know once i start looking for things to be thankful for, they will show themselves much more readily, and i am excited to discover that.