some news.

i am engaged!!!

ahh i am basically just floating around and it feels so surreal and i am so happy right now. okay so here is how it happened:

james and i were at my parents' house for the weekend and we left today after church. as we got closer to san luis obispo, james turned off on the pismo beach exit. i had been wanting to go the beach for a while so we just walked around for a while and talked and took pictures. i dug for sand crabs and my hands were super sandy and nasty and cold, so james let me wipe my hands on his jeans. he is nice. and then we walked to the other side of the pier where there was a swirly slide. he told me i should go down the slide but i said it looked nasty and germ-infested, so i didn't want to go on it. when he agreed that it was a bad idea, i decided i wanted to go on it [duhh]. so i climbed up and slid down. when i got to the bottom, james was there at the bottom of the slide on one knee with the most amazing piece of bling i have ever seen. and then of course he asked me to marry him, and obviously i said yes! after i picked my jaw up from off the floor and my heart stopped pounding of course.

*caution: very cheesy things follow this warning. do not read if you have sensitive gag reflexes.*

james is so amazing and through dating him i have learned so much about life, love, relationships, myself, and God. i know God has totally been preparing each of our hearts for this since before we had even met and i feel so blessed and honored to know that i am going to be married to my best friend and someone who accepts me for all my weirdness as i am.

a few pictures:

the best we got together... lame i know.

mah bling. so simple and perfect.


a close-up

well put.

oh, heyy.

it's my birthday.

famille.

today my big thing that i am thankful for is my family. it was so good to spend time with them this weekend. proof of how awesome they are [maybe just because they humor me when i want to take photoshoots]:

haha. i was trying not to laugh.

the nice one.

ignore my gross face and the fact i seem to have lost a leg. do not ignore matthew's scary woman face or paul's christmas socks.

spring break.

is the bee's knees.

stupid finals.

24 hours and 6 minutes til spring break.

27 hours til home for the weekend.

2 days til breanna's bridal shower.

5 days til my birthday.

4819578495 days til my sanity returns.

jewels.

i think i have been feeling something lately that i have not been able to put into words. and now i am going to attempt to do just that. words.

i feel like a big part in my non-contentedness that i have been feeling lately comes from feeling like i am turning 22 in 6 days [ahh] and i guess i just thought i would have my life together by now. well i don't. not. at. all.

i am not graduating for another year [my fault], and as a result i guess i feel like i am still a little kid while everyone else i know is starting their next adventure.

in my dream world, i would be graduating, moving into a nice new beautiful apartment where i would have the money to buy brand new beautiful things and wear nice clothes, cook things, throw parties, have a pupppy, etc.

well, welcome to reality. none of this is happening. i know that the Lord has a plan that will be so much better than mine, but sometimes i just wish God's plan involved a sink that didn't plug up, anthropologie clothes, and a golden retriever.

so i am trying to learn to be thankful for the things that are happening in my life. not settling for less, because one day i will graduate and move on the the next phase, but that is not the stage i am in just yet. i am not settling, i am just learning to be happy in the stage that am in. i am looking for the good moments, because i tend to overlook them far too often.

so for now, i am thankful for the dew on the pasture across from the booth. i am thankful for waking up early and experiencing peace before most people wake up and the day starts. i am thankful for a quiet date with james, where we can be content sitting in the bookstore reading our respective books, not talking, and just be still with our feet intertwining. i am thankful that i can have honest conversations with caitlin and bailey, and i know they will not judge me. i am thankful for clean sheets and bright flowers and purple sharpie pens.

tonight, i will curl up on my ragged leather couch in my pajama shirt from target with the holes in the armpits, my hair in a messy ponytail, and study with a spirit that is thankful for the opportunity i have been given. a grateful spirit is always a process, but it is a process i plan on starting now and not finishing until i breathe my last breath. and i know once i start looking for things to be thankful for, they will show themselves much more readily, and i am excited to discover that.

life.

sometimes it is really hard for me to find good things in everyday life. after reading shauna niequist's book, cold tangerines, i have realized i have not been appreciating my life as much as i should be. here is my first attempt to break out of my negative nancy perspective. thank you jesus for these things:

my family [dad and paul not pictured].

my new shoes! an early birthday gift from bailey.

poppies on a calm, warm day.

fly me to the moon.

i'm going flying today!!!

YAY!

pictures to come.

happy friday.

seventeen.

today is my brother matthew's birthday [yes we are all born in march]. he is seventeen and the baby of the family.

it seems so weird to me that the youngest person in our family is now one year away from being an adult. it makes our family seem somehow boring and mature [though i can assure you it is not]. i remember the days when my brothers would try to sneak into my room when i had friends over so they could hang out with us. i would slam the door and yell at them to leave. i now wish i could redo those moments for i long for the days where my brothers thought i was cool and were begging to be around me. when we are all together, we laugh and talk and sing and do nothing. it is as though we were never apart. the times we are together are becoming shorter and farther apart, but i cherish every second i get with them. my brothers are loud. they are funny. they are annoying as all-get-out. and they are my best friends.

in keeping with my new-found birthday tradition, here are some facts about matthew:
1. he used to scare me by hiding fake plastic snakes all over the house.
2. i just recently realized i can no longer beat him up so i better start being nice to him.
3. at hume this winter, matthew tried on his snow pants and they were wayyyy too tight. like, if he were a girl i would have said to myself, "those girl's pants are wayyy too tight". i pretty much died laughing as he begged me to trade pants with him and paul made cat-call noises. they did make his butt look good.
4. matthew is extremely creative at writing, speaking, acting, and art.
5. when he was younger, he had the smoothest cheeks [baby cheeks] and i loved them. i would always pinch and kiss them. i'm pretty sure it bugged him but he was always a good sport.
6. he is now the second tallest in the family [paul being the first. sorry dad].
7. one time in colorado he and i took this old timey photograph and it is extremely embarrassing.
8. matthew knows almost everything there is to know about the civil war, and made us ship back a TON of civil war stuff when we went to the east coast [ex: a piece of a cannon, a fake rifle, and a replica sword].
9. when he was a baby he was so fat my dad called him bob's big boy.
10. matthew LOVES animals and they love him. a lot.
11. matthew has to work hard at school but he is kicking butt and is a great example of strength to me.
12. he has the same color hair as me but is white as a ghost.
13. matthew is learning to play the banjo and is pretty dang good at it now.

happy birthday, matty! you rock my socks.

words.

today i was sitting in the booth feeling sorry for myself because my hair is atrocious [really, at any minute it might attack] and i am tired [i know, i'm a peach], when a girl came through for a parking pass. she took forever to write her check and i just wanted her to leave. as she handed me her check, she said, "this may seem weird but everyday you always have the cutest clothes and i just love your shirt!" needless to say, i instantly felt sorry for wanting her to leave but it totally made my day! i truly have no idea how she thinks all my clothes are cute because i usually grab the first thing i see in the morning and throw it on without a second thought. even though that was not a big thing, her words really made my day so much better. and i saw on her check that her name is laura! proof that all lauras are awesome human beings. so thank you, other laura. you officially made my day.

now go say something nice to someone. you never know how much words can impact someone.

late.

my brother paul turned 19 on saturday. since he's up in chico, i didn't get to see him but i think he had a good time with his friends. here are some fun facts about paul:
1. he likes to pretend he is cool and tough by doing things like piercing his lip and wearing my pants.
2. but i know that he is a real softy.
3. his favorite color is green.
4. he cried at toy story 3.
5. he likes doing things that often get him hurt.
6. i can usually read his mind.
7. he is a horrible writer.
8. but he is great at math.
9. he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life.
10. he is good at photography.
11. he is a good person to cry to.
12. he eats soo much but is still as skinny as a stick.
13. he spits on the carpet in his room when he gets mad.
14. he is turning into a great young man and listening to God's will for his life.
15. i know he'll be just fine.

almost there.

my situation is looking much better from this side, with my presentation and both papers done. now i just have to study for spanish and write two one-page papers. this weekend will be nice without having to worry about schoolwork. james and i are going down south for his cousin's wedding, so it should give me a nice break.

mmm... this is what i daydream about. that's probably sad.

long night.

still writing my paper. almost done. lucky charms, a dinner bet with ellen, and a good talk with emily have helped my process along.

did i mention that this year is my golden birthday?

i didn't? oh good.

this year i will be 22 on the 22nd! golden birthday. and supposedly the best year or your life?

maybe if i don't have to write anymore papers.

birthday countdown: 20 days [i'm aware that both my brothers have birthdays before me, but whatever. i am more important/older/prettier/it's my blog and i'll do what i want].

pardon.

excuse my absence from the blogosphere this week [whatever a blogosphere is].

i have been too busy kicking school in the butt and will return later after i have finished another essay, written a paper for spanish, and practiced my flute to play in class [i'll explain later, my life is some weird cosmic joke].

and also after i have slept. a lot.

birthday countdown: 21 days.