for now.

my break has been wonderful! i am waiting for my laundry to come out so i can switch it and then go to bed so i can wake up early, pack, go to a friend's wedding brunch reception [i'll report how that was later], and then go back to slo and james!

i got a new camera which i have named cameron [original, i know], and it is officially my new baby. oh how i love you cameron. pics to come. many, many.

i just got back from hume with my family which was wonderful. pics of that to come as well.

welp, that's about it for now bc i am too tired to write anything else.

happy new year [almost]!

currently.

i have bright red toenails.

i am loved.

i have no school for 3 weeks.

the weather is nice.

my family is wonderful.

life is good.

hold on.

one more time with feeling.

say it again,

breathing's just a rhythm.

last final tonight. here we go. in 4 hours i will be emotionally destroyed, tired, and sad.

and then it will be over. and i will go about my usual finals recovery process [chocolate and a long hot shower] and have put one more quarter behind me.

cal poly, i will defeat you if it is the last thing i do.

you know it's finals week when.

it's 2 pm and you are still in your pajamas.

you can't remember the last time you took a shower.

you have eaten two bars of chocolate in the past 24 hours[thank to james, who bought my east coast souvenir in the airport on his way back, and it happened to be a pack of 3 chocolate bars... he knows me too well].

what does the floor of my room look like?

all you want is a hug from your mom and her to stroke your hair while you cry.

you say goodbye to your roommate heading to her final and make sure she doesn't forget her tissues for when she starts crying halfway through.

remind again why i thought college would be fun? [just kidding, i love it. mostly.]

let me go home.

home is wherever i'm with you.

things on my mind.

traditions with best friends.

a cute boy who is currently on the east coast.

my silly brothers.

grooveshark is wonderful.

hipster music.

i can kind of french braid my hair when it is wet.

i might start taking prenatal vitamins to make my hair grow faster.

christmas shopping.

chiropractor next week again. love it.

school/finals grossness.

the bruington building coincidence.

okay.

let me start first with the fact that my mother's father [my grandpa] was a contractor and he built a building about 3.2 minutes from my house. whenever i drive by it, it makes me a little happy. he died when i was 14, and i never knew him very well. when i look back, i don't miss him, but i do wish i had more opportunities to know him. i'm such a different person than i was 7 years ago and i wish he could see that. anyway, i enjoy driving by his building, it makes me feel somehow connected to him, which i know is weird, but oh well.

now.

on sunday james and i were rear ended by a lady who was driving and zoning out. she didn't even try to brake, leaving james' bumper looking like the sagging pants of all the boys who were in 7th grade with me. why that was ever a popular look is beyond me. anyway, i feel really awful for the lady, who was working all morning at the diner, so she was exhausted. the accident has left me with an ever-constant headache. loud noises and even a slight breeze that could jostle me suck. also, my back hurts worse than it usually does. i guess this is good because now james is forcing me to go the chiropractor, which i frankly should have done a long time ago.

but we looked up chiropractors here, and lo and behold, guess where the chiropractor i am going to is?? yup! my grandpa's building. awesome. okay, it's silly. but i don't care, i am excited. i am also really excited to go to the chiropractor, i feel like it will really help my back and hopefully take away the pain i've been having since high school.

okay, this was long and probably pointless, but i am glad to get to go into the building my grandpa designed and to get my janky back fixed.

now back to listening to christmas music [quietly].

in the midst.

right now, i am thankful

my family got along this week.

for hugs.

the accident james and i got in was not as bad as it could have been.

for advil.

for my roommates.

we learned to turn the heater on in our house.

for grape juice.

for quilts.

for good conversations.

for human interaction.

for grace.

for jesus.

after 7 tonight...

i will eat dinner and hang with james.

wed i will wake up too early and open at work 7-12.

then i will go home and pack.

at 12:45 MY BROTHERS will arrive on the train and we will have lunch and drive up to castro valley and laugh and bond and be siblings.

then we will see my parents and aunt and uncle and cousins and hug.

on thursday my other aunt and uncle, cousins, and grandparents will arrive and we will have yummy thanksgiving times.

on friday we will go to san fran and then sat i will drive back to slo, then it will be dead week and finals and then it will be break!

i just have to make it til 7 tonight.

blah.

something.

today was a normal day. and yet somehow, it was one of the best days i have had in a while. lately i have not had a good attitude about my life. it's been hard for me to notice good things, or to even be happy about them. i don't know why, but i have definitely been going through a funk.

but today, i went to work. it was good and busy and nice to talk to my boss. i went home and ate and listened to music and edited a paper for james. it was relaxing. i made dinner with james and we laughed about nothing. i had a second dinner with my friend michelle and i enjoyed getting to know her better.

all these activities were normal but the Lord is starting to give me joy in them. i used to have this, but i somehow lost it. i know that there are so many wonderful things i have happening in my life, but it is just hard to see it sometimes.

here's to a step in the right direction.

my house is an igloo.

why am i soo freakin cold ALL the time??

my hands are frozen and i can barey type. i am in sweatpants and a sweatshirt wrapped in a blanket with uggs and thick socks on my feet and there is a beanie on my head.

and i am getting hypothermia.

okay, not really.

but seriously. never make me move somewhere that is not california. i thought i wanted to get away to the east coast maybe but i simply can't. i would die before it even started snowing.

i am such a baby.

observations from the weekend.

harry potter was awesome. it was everything i had hoped it would be. i am so glad that they are making two movies out of the last book. they included everything important, and the movie stayed extremely true to the book. it left me excited for the last movie, but satisfied with what i had seen. can't wait for july!

couples who are super pda in coffee shops [and everywhere else] make me uncomfortable. they are awkward and inconsiderate of other people. they make me feel like a third wheel even though i have a boyfriend and usually i do not even know these extremely affectionate people or come into direct contact with them. if i ever become one of these people, you have my permission to smack me.

school is not something i enjoy, but i just need to stay focused on the goal and what i want out of this. i want to be a teacher. i am so going to enjoy decorating my classroom, collaborating with others who love kids as well, and getting to know my students and helping them succeed. that is what i need to keep in mind as i am feeling stressed and discouraged with all my work that can sometimes feel overwhelming. i am doing this for a reason, so i can become the person God wants me to be and fulfill his plans for my life.

for now, i am warm and sitting by a fire writing a paper. my brothers are coming on wednesday to drive to my cousins' house for thanksgiving. i will get to eat mashed potatoes and bread rolls, visit with my grandparents, and hug my mom. these are the things that are keeping me going.

solitude.

something i have been realizing lately is that solitude does not have to mean loneliness. i am definitely someone who enjoys being around people. if i am alone for too long i begin to think that everyone is out having fun without me and laughing about how weird i am and that i do not shave my legs often enough [you know what i mean].

but lately i have been learning that it is okay for me to stay home and clean my room, run errands, and do homework by myself. i do not always need to surround myself with people and activity. i think i often do things just to stay busy or feel like i am doing something.

so today, i am going to rest. i am going to ask the Lord to help me be intentional in the time i spend with people and by myself. and then i am going to see harry tonight :)

SO EXCITED.

harry comes out in theaters today!!!!!

and it will be epic. granted the movies could NEVER measure up to the epicness that is the harry potter book series but they are the last thing we have of harry to cling on to so i will take it. it is so wonderful to walk into the theater and know that this movie will definitely be worth paying $11 for. anyone who has not read the books will not understand the hype and that is okay. i don't mind being a nerd. i love all things harry [and ron, hermione, dobby, sirius, bellatrix, etc.]. i just can't get enough.

i'm not seeing the movie til saturday but i can probably wait one day. STOKED!

yay.

what a wonderful, relaxing, happy, glorious day.

up.

as a way of forcing myself to realize that my life is not a complete disaster, here is a list of wonderful things happening in my life:

1. a thoughtful care package from my aunt.

2. a roadtrip with my brothers next week from slo to the bay area.

3. some roomie bonding time last week.

4. a wonderful date last saturday with james.

5. a letter from my grandma.

6. learning more about God's sovereignty in Bible study tonight.

7. a new fuscia water bottle.

8. being silly on friday with steph and bre.

9. HARRY POTTER 7 COMES OUT THIS WEEK!!

i have so much to be thankful for, sometimes i just need to look for it.

one year.

one year ago, i got all dressed up to go on a date with this really cute guy. his name was james. we'd gone on a few dates and i really liked him. i liked that he played guitar. i liked his blue eyes. i liked that he was sweet and funny and respectful. little did i know, that was just the beginning. he rang my doorbell and gave me flowers. then he took me to olive garden, because i love it even though it's a little cheesy. then he took me mini golfing because he wanted to see me get competitive. after that, we went to pismo and he pushed me on the swing as we talked about God, our families, and anything else that came to our minds. then, that cute boy sat on the swing next to me and got really shy and mumbled some wonderful nice things and then asked me to be his girlfriend.

i said yes and that was one of the best decisions i have ever made.

just for fun.

maybe this will make up for my lack of pictures lately.

1. fb profile pic:


2. you a year ago:


3. someone you love:


4.photo that makes you happy:


5. you making a funny face:


6. you and your best friend [yes i cheated]:


7. most recent photo:


8. photo you took:


9. photo that makes you laugh [this was for a photo project sophmore year]:


the end.

fuscia tights

so lately i have felt like not too much is going right in my life. i've felt stressed out and, as most people around me this past week can vouch for, i've been a beezy. i've tried and tried to give my stress up to the Lord, but i just felt like it wasn't working. maybe God just had too many other people to deal with. maybe my problems were too big. maybe i was stupid. well the last one might be true, but the other night i realized that if we are not honest with the Lord, how can he fix what we don't tell him about? so i basically verbal vomited and spewed out everything i was worrying about to the Lord. and guess what??? it felt like a huge weight lifted off my chest. obviously things don't get fixed right away, but i feel like the Lord really helped me give all my problems to him, and he has helped me trust in him with everything. life will always be stressful, but i know He will help me get through it even when it feels like everything is falling apart [ps. i have a slight tendency to be dramatic sometimes...].

so i guess that is what has been on my mind lately, and i promise to write more this week!

also: the title has nothing to do with anything, except that they are my favorite item of clothing and i am currently wearing them even though james insists they are too "loud".

blah.

this week has been uneventful yet i somehow have been feeling generally crappy.

so hopefully next week i will have more motivation to write.

everything.

i had a wonderful time yesterday catching up with caitlin and bailey.

james and i had a date at target last night. yes we are cool.

two halloween parties tonight! james and i are going to be tourists :)

there is truly no better feeling than waking up and realizing you have nowhere to be! i laid in bed for like an hour after i woke up and it was glorious.

i now have clean laundry and can stop using my bathing suit bottoms as underwear. this is good.

now to go find hawaiian shirts and a fanny pack!

song of the day.

i don't know how do links, but i just love the song "folding chair" by regina spektor. she is so funky and cool. i love her music. this is my new obsession.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCvgXmg0m1g

in other news, today i had a cheese bagel. yum.

bugs are invading my work.

i had a funny conversation with a friend about her roommate who pees everywhere when she gets drunk. ew. but also kind of funny.

i need to paint my nails.

happy wednesday :)

alive.

i found myself thinking today i wish i could just skip all the bad parts of life. but then i thought the good would not seem so sweet. the little moments of the day would be taken for granted even more. it would be hard to appreciate when times are not hard, because it would always be good.

i think the bad helps us rely on God and trust in His plan.

the hard times remind me that i am alive and i am human and i have help.

bliss.

this weekend was one of the best i have had in a while. james and i drove up to chico to visit paul. my parents and matthew met us there and my high school friend breanna lives up there so we spent the whole time with her and her boyfriend luke. add that up and it was a pretty big group.

we ate, walked around the chico campus, saw downtown chico, went to a yoyo museum where we saw the world's biggest yoyo [it was as tall as me], ate some more, reminisced, laughed so much, played games, got wet [it was raining], went shopping, and just hung out.

it was so great to see paul doing well and i know he enjoyed seeing us.

it was wonderful to visit with breanna! she is one of those friends that when we get together it seems as if nothing has changed.

the drive was soo long, about 7 hours each way, but the time went quickly because james drove the whole way and of course i never run out of things to say to him [probably to his dismay].

i am trying to hold on to all the wonderful memories, but school is making it hard for me to pretend like i am still on vacation. i am just thankful to be able to have had time to spend a relaxing weekend with my family and friends.

i'm ready!

to party it up in chico this weekend with my family!

after i rock this midterm.

etc.

inspiration hit me yesterday in spanish class and i thought of a super cute idea for the chalkboard in our dining room. then i told ellen about it and she said she could help me make a movie out of it. now i am very excited about it.

i stole a piece of purple chalk from the engines lab yesterday.

the weather is gloomy and i like it.

i need to wash my hair.

i am making tacos for dinner tonight!

right now i feel semi inspired to do creative things. if only i didn't have school to interfere with all my brilliant ideas.

i ate cheesecake for breakfast and danced to christmas music this morning.

tomorrow i see my crazy little brother!

today.

i went to work.

i went to my classes.

i breathed.

i took a shower.

maybe tomorrow i will do something greater

but for today

this is enough.

happy birthday.

my dear friend james was born 23 years ago today. okay, he is my boyfriend. but he is also one of my best friends and i would like to write a post as a tribute to his wonderfulness.

here are a few things i like about james:

1. he is fun and i am usually laughing at... i mean with him.

2. he is cute.

3. he has a fang that makes him look like a vampire.

4. he washes his hands a little more often than is normal.

5. he puts up with me.

happy birthday, james. thank you for being born and being wonderful.

perspective.

okay, so clearly, yesterday was not the best for me. but today, i have gotten some sleep and am feeling a little better about everything.

here are some blessings in my life:

1. jesus. he is here for me even when i don't feel him, and when i don't deserve him [which is always].

2. stephanie, caitlin and bailey. they are so encouraging to me and are some of my best friends.

3. my parents. they have so much faith in me.

4. slo. i love living here, even if i take it for granted sometimes.

5. james. what i would i do without that boy.

6. i found a $20 bill in my pocket today!

7. oh thank you jesus for your grace.

warning: i am in a bad mood.

in my mind:

i am on a beach tanning in the sun and my biggest problem is i am getting a weird tan line from my bathing suit.

i am traveling around the world with everything i need in a backpack.

i am snowboarding in the alps.

i am anywhere but here, in my real, unglamorous, stressful life.

pay the piper.

i don't really know what pay the piper means, but james says it all the time. basically it's saying you have to deal with your consequences or something.

well this weekend was wonderful. i saw my good friends at their parents' campsite in morro bay, had good conversations, and felt rejuvinated.

i saw my family, walked on the pier at pismo, and caught up.

i cooked james a birthday dinner, walked on the beach, and soaked up the time with him.

and now it is time to pay the piper. i will be in this cute coffee shop working on my geometry homework and other miscellaneous terrors for the rest of the day.

stupid piper.

i'm a summer girl.

this was how i spent the glorious summer months:



camping at bridgeport with my fam. it's dirty, grimy, campy heaven.


seeing keith urban in concert. i melt.


spending a week in costa rica. pura vida.



lots of quality time with the boy.

take me back!

rejuvinated.

welcome to my new improved blog! here are some updates on my life:

1. i am enjoying this fall weather. i usually hate anything that isn't 80 degrees and sunny, but the truth is, most days are not like that. so i am broadening my horizons.

2. i am so over school! i just want to graduate. one more year...

3. moses and i are becoming good friends. yes, old school moses. or should i say, old testament moses.

4. i have a teal desk.

5. i have lately been in a lovey dovey haze which is both disgusting and wonderful.

that's all for now.

bang.

so last night was an extremely interesting one for our house. emily and i were in bed at 11, and we were both drifting off to sleep when someone started pounding on our door. and it got louder and harder and scarier and didn't stop for probably 5 minutes. we called the police, and the lady on the phone told us the police had just gotten there. so then we went out to the living room to see what the heck was happening and we saw a guy standing on our doorstep, and then we saw the police arrest him. after he had left, we went outside and a policeman told us he was extremely drunk and causing a huge scene, so then they chased after him and he ran to our house, apparently banging on the door in hopes that we would let him in and hide him from the police. luckily, our parents taught us well.

so after this incident, i was lying in bed trying to fall asleep [it wasn't working, how do you sleep after something like that?], and i just started thinking that that was the only time i had ever had to be semi afraid for my safety. i really believe God gave me a peace about the situation, and both emily and i kept level heads the whole time he was banging on our door, but i had never before thought that someone might actually be trying to hurt me.

this made me think of the millions of children in the world that do not have the same guarantee as i have had my whole life. the children that don't want to close their eyes to sleep because they are afraid of what they might find when they open them again. while this was a very mild incident, and both emily and i are totally fine [except for being momentarily freaked out], it was very eye opening for how some children live their whole lives. i feel like this has even further proved to me that God is calling me to work with disadvantaged children.

needless to say, we will be checking numerous times to make sure our front door is locked every night from now on.

various thoughts from the first week of summer.

i love first graders. maybe not at first, but by the end of the week they had all stolen my heart. that doesn't mean i want to teach them, though.

mud doesn't get off shirts very easily.

golden spoon is the best frozen yogurt. it's a proven fact.

god is lavaproof [something my first grader, hayden informed me of].

i am the shortest person in my family.

tomorrow i am going to a wedding and i get to see steph, caitlin, and bailey, as well as wear a dress and my new wedges. yay.

espanol.

remind me again why exactly i thought i liked spanish??? this paper is going to be the death of me. cinco paginas. me voy a morir. i am currently sitting in the uu trying desperately to convince myself that i need to just buckle down and finish it. i am also listening to a song by colbie callait and juanes, half in spanish. that counts for something, right?

weekend goodness.

1. painting mugs and bowls at red hot pottery for date night.
2. family dinner at my aunt's.
3. church.
4. worship night on the parking structure.
5. a clean room and clothes.
6. dinner with old friends.
7. hiking bishop's peak.
8. cookies,ice cream and chatting with my girls.
9. sleep.

grace.

this topic has been on my mind a lot lately. i have a necklace that says "grace" on it, but i didn't even really take time to think about how prevalent this grace is in my life, and how i should be so much more liberal in my use of grace with the people around me. here is an honest snippet of what i wrote in my journal the other day:

the other day it hit me that i have been wearing a necklace that says "grace" on it, and i hadn't even really taken time to think about its meaning. i have always known i am called to extend grace to others, but when when i had the opportunity to extend grace to someone, i didn't take it. i just wanted to pout instead.

another aspect of this is the grace that God extends to us humans, to me. I am the farthest person from deserving the grace He has given me. i procrastinate, waste time, gossip, lie, envy, lust, don't put my full trust in God, and i am selfish. yet somehow God sees something in me that He loves, that He wants with Him for eternity! i will never be able to even begin to comprehend that.

God's love for me is irrational. ration would tell anyone to give up on me, i'm not worth it. but He tells me that i am worth it. i am worth dying for. i am worth spending eternity with Christ because He makes me worth it!!

ahh God is so good! that was just something i have been reflecting on lately. i still have a long way to go on the grace thing, but it is so comforting to know that God's grace is enough for all the times i fail.

it's not pretty.

finals week is coming. and it's evident in the state of my desk, my floor, and my hair (ponytails all the way, baby).

this is where it gets ugly. but God sees it all. and the truth is, he wants it all. He wants everything about me. my messy room, my procrastination, my doubts. all of it.

so i'll let Him have it all. He can handle it.

i like sun.

mmmm. i take that back. i LOVE sun.

comfort zones.

something i have been thinking about a lot lately is that i know what i am comfortable with, and i stick with that.

as Christians, God does not call us to a life of comfort. excitement, love, compassion, action, joy, but not comfort.

i have been thinking a lot about what this means in my life.

maybe it means praying for opportunities to have spiritual conversations with people in my life.

maybe it means giving up all the plans i make for myself.

maybe it means praying for God to reveal Himself to me in ways that i have never thought of before.

maybe it means taking a leap and letting myself squirm every once in a while.

i know who will be there to catch me when i do.

blessings so far this quarter.

1. sitting in the uu with caitlin eating gummies and talking about boys.

2. the ornament exchange the girls and i had on friday, and we couldn't stop laughing.

3. being reunited with caitlin and bailey[!!].

4. getting to see neille for a few hours on saturday.

5. a good phone conversation with paul.

6. my date with james last night [and the song he wrote me!]

7. seeing steph for a few minutes before school in the mornings now that we wake up at the same time.

8. actually liking all my classes.

reunion.

the twins are back!

there are is so much more i could say about this, but probably the best way to put it is:

my heart is happy.