great beginnings.

1. today my mom and i went to santa barbara to take flowers to my grandparents' graves. this is a pretty tree i saw in the cemetary.

2. paul and me... being our usual strange selves.

3. family photo!

4. the amazing sky on the way home from slo. the picture doesn't do it justice.

the nice list.

1. fall quarter is over!!!!
2. i had a great drive home with james involving in n out.
3. i got to see me grandparents.
4. my mom made us potsickers as a late night snack.
5. neille [one of my best friends from home] came over and we got to hang out with my family.
6. i can now be in the christmas spirit since i don't have to worry about school.
7. i see caitlin and bailey in three weeks!!!

nice.

the lull in the storm.

i just turned in a paper, and am now feeling much better! i think i am going to let myself take a break and watch gilmore girls with emily tonight. today was not as bad as i thought it would be, for sure only because God is totally getting me through it! so for now, this finals week, i will look on the bright side: i am sitting in my chair wrapped in two blankets, i ate free bean burrito from taco bell, i am listening to a christmas playlist on pandora, and i am having a library date with james tomorrow.

good luck on finals!

and for those who finished theirs [ahem c and b]: no fair.

ugh.

one week until winter break!! unfortunately, i am not in much of a christmasy spirit. before i am able to relax and enjoy the season, i have to:

study for my math final.
study for my linguistics final.
finish an english paper.
edit another english paper.
write a reflection paper for linguistics.
write another paper for linguistics.

i repeat: ugh.

rethinking christmas music.

tonight was an amazing one for several reasons.

for starters, it was $1 taco night at chino's [how did i not know this before??], so steph and i went with hannah to catch up. it was so good, and mostly included us gushing over the fact that she is getting married in june, ordered a wedding dress, and booked their honeymoon [cancun!!]. i feel so blessed to have such an amazing discipleship leader!

also, my night class was cancelled, enabling me to go to crusade for the third time this quarter. it was christmas crusade, which just made it that much better, and it was the last one of the quarter, which made me thankful to be able to see all my cru friends again before break. james led worship tonight, and it was amazing [yayy for Jesus!!]. we did some christmas songs, which i love. but tonight, it was a little different. every year, we sing christmas songs at church, and i always love them. why? because they are fun and it is only really socially acceptable to sing them for one month out of the year. i never really viewed them as worhip songs. sure, they are about Jesus, but i just lost sight of that in the excitement of the season. tonight, the christmas music was worship. i totally felt the Holy Spirit moving, and it was so good [biggest understatement ever]. God was definitely working tonight, and i am on such a high from it! i have so much to do and am feeling a lot of stress as finals start, but in that moment, worshipping Him, i just felt a huge peace wash over me, and i know that God has it under control.

tonight was also good because james' grandparents came up to see him, and i got to meet them. they were so cute and his grandma invited me to visit them over break. i can already tell we are going to be besties [much to james' dismay]. when he introduced me to them, i went to shake his grandma's hand, but she said, "i am going to hug you!" and gave me a huge amazing hug! i just loved it.

basically, the moral of the story [as most are] is that God is good.

thanksgiving, dead week, and the boy.

okay, so i will start with thanksgiving.

my thanksgiving break was so good. on wednesday my mom came up, and we cooked at my aunt's house and got ready for thursday. i also got to go on a cousin date with katie, and we saw new moon! i defintely liked it better than twilight for several reasons, but i will spare you the details. on thursday, my dad and brothers came up, and we all had thanksgiving at my aunt and uncle's house in los osos. there were about 30 of us, which was crazy, but it was so nice to see all my extended family who i haven't seen in a while. on friday, paul and i went shopping, which is our way of bonding [yes, it's probably weird that my brother likes shopping as much as i do, but hey, he's family so i have to like him]. it was nice to catch up with him, and he bought me lunch at the oh-so-classy jack in the box. on friday night, we went to my aunt's house and played mexican train and apples to apples, which resulted in a lot of laughter, and me feeling more bonded to my extended family than i have in a while, which was really cool. on saturday, my family left, so i just decorated the apartment for christmas with stephanie and hung out, which was nice.

which brings me to dead week.

i don't have anything really due this week, but i have a lot of things due finals week that i should probably get started on. stephanie and i are definitely feeling the stress, but i am determined to not let it get to me. so this week will definitely include studying, but more importantly, i will be taking time out to spend with jesus. he's really the only one who can get me through my four papers and three finals.

now for the boy.

or, more specifically, the boyfriend. i have one. and his name is james and he is amazing. everyone who reads this already knows about him, but i just figured he was worth mentioning again. he has really been showing me what a man of God looks like, and i am very blessed by him. he is just one of the many people in my life i am thankful for this thanksgiving.

well, it is time for me to stop procrastinating and actually get some work done tonight!

it makes me happy.

that i got 2 really cute dresses, a pair of tights, and some cute bobby pins at forever 21 yesterday for $18.25.

that i can now play the song "vanilla twilight" by owl city on the guitar.

that i only have one class til the weekend.

that i am going line dancing tonight.

that i can wear my new dresses this weekend.

that i talked to caitlin and bailey on skype today.

that life is good and God is blessing me.

this is a good week.

why?

because we don't have school on wednesday.
because my mom gave me a ton of chocolate.
because God is awesome.
because i found a new song to be obsessed with (the bird and the worm by owl city).
because good things are happening.
because i am wearing purple pants.
because i have groceries.
because i decided it would be.

<3

insignificant ramblings.

my mom is coming this weekend and i am so excited!!! we are hiking bishop's peak with my aunt and cousin... which should be interesting to say the least. i will probably be the one dying while my aunt forges ahead. my family can be a little intense sometimes. but it is going to be so great to just have a girls weekend with my mom to do some shopping and just have one on one time with her!

tomorrow my bible study is coming over to bake cookies and hang out, which will be fun, but now requires me to do an intense deep cleansing of our apartment tonight. it is really scary right now... so i might be up a little late!

also, last night i was sitting at my computer when something fell on my desk really loudly, and i screamed [are you really surprised?]. turns out it was just the fire sprinkler on my ceiling that came undone, but it scared the crap out of me.

okay, time to begin operation make the apartment semi presentable. wish me luck!!

frazzled.

this week fooled me. i thought it would be easy and relaxing, but it quickly took a downward spiral into crazy and stressful. but that's the way it is sometimes. here are the things that got me through this week:

1. 2 pumpkin spice lattes from starbucks.
2. a good talk with emily on wednesday.
3. getting my tuesday class cancelled and going to crusade!
4. seeing hannah at crusade and getting entirely too shrill and excited about her engagement!
5. girl talk in the kitchen at my 3rd year bstud.
6. going to farmer's market with my freshman girls' bstud.
7. getting to carve pumpkins yesterday.
8. going to target with stephanie today, and then hanging out with her grandparents.
9. hearing that the jonas brothers are actually NOT breaking up.

tonight i am going to my bstud leader's halloween party, and dressing up as a traffic light. i only spent one dollar on my costume too! happy halloween!

i don't want to do my math hw.

so i will write first.

i am leading a freshmen girls' bible study with megan irene in north mountain this year. it is absolutely like nothing i imagined it was going to be. but it is soo good. we now have three girls, which we are super excited about, and they are all amazing, and i have been so enjoying getting to know them.

last night, we went to farmer's with the guys' north mountain bible study, and it was great. since it's right before halloween, there a bunch of kids running around in costumes. melt my heart. and there were a bunch of people who dressed up creepy with a bunch of fake blood, and the girls in my study decided i would protect them (though they are wayy taller than me), and clung to me as the bloody people passed us on either side. it was so cute, i felt special! it was really nice to get to just hang out with them outside of study. add to it a dozen of little hot donut things for 3 dollars (we all shared, i did not eat them all. though i easily could have), running into a friend, and the crisp fall air, and you have perfection.

it really got me in the fall mood, right until megan dropped me off at my 8pm class. oh well. life goes on. this weekend is going to be great, involving a target run, catching up on hw, a halloween party (where i am dressing up as a stoplight), church, and family dinner at my aunts'. happy fall!

out of the box.

just when i think i've figured God out, He surprises me.

fall retreat babyyy

fall retreat was awesome!! i drove up with my co-leader for bstud, megan, a girl in our bstud, megan, and a girl from another bstud, megan. i felt very left out, not being named megan myself. but the rides up and back were so fun, and we had some great conversations and listened to some awesome girl music, including beyonce, cascada, and taylor swift.

i got to see my family for a few hours during free time, which was really nice, and then i got to hang out with everyone on the lawn watching kajabe. i missed the junior girls round, which was sad, but probably good because i need to work on being less competetive.

on saturday night we had the "high school stereotypes" dance, where juniors had to dress emo, goth, or skater. it was sooo fun and i found that i don't look half bad as an emo kid. my nails are still black. i had a blast dancing with my friends and just making an utter fool of myself, because i can't dance.

the speaker was soooo good. darren mcwaters used to be a speaker at hume, and we were really blessed to have him. i loved that he didn't sugar coat things, which i definitely needed. on sunday morning before we all left, we took communion and had worship, and that was probably my favorite part. darren talked about how we sometimes think of communion as a thing we do once a month at church and don't give it much thought past that, which is totally true of me. he talked about thinking about how peter, john, or any of those guys would have felt in the upper room taking communion, they defintely wouldn't have been thinking about how they still have a lot of emo eyeliner stuck on their faces, or what they were going to eat for lunch. so it was very convicting, and a super sweet time of worship.

that is a very quick version of my weekend, but i had a great time worshipping, fellowshipping, dancing (aka flailing about like a fool), and being away from slo for a bit.

a moment to complain.

today it was raining like crazy. maybe not for someone who lives in seattle, but i live in california, where it is warm and sunny and exactly how i like it.

this is not how i like it.

i do not like having the water seep through my uggs after two minutes of walking to class.

i do not like sitting in class with sopping wet jeans.

i do not like having an umbrella that does not even cover my backpack, and flips inside out every three seconds.

i do not like having wrinkly toes from walking around in my wet boots for four hours.

i do not like having frizzy hair from the rain and my hood.

but things did happen today that i liked.

i liked the carmel apple spice i had today from starbucks, and that i had a giftcard to pay for it.

i liked that i understood math today.

i liked getting to sit in the uu during my break and reading an amazing book called water for elephants.

i liked getting home and replacing my wet clothes with slippers and sweatpants.

i like that for each sucky moment in life, God gives us a million blessings to praise him for.

thoughts before bed.

1. my mom sent me a halloween package that was great. i was really in need of chocolate (it's just one of those days)and lo and behold, my mother pulled through like always and sent me reeses (my absolute fave). needless to say, i've already eaten four. she also sent me some glow in the dark bracelets and bats (go figure. dollar bin at target is my mom's weapon of choice) that will be great for the glow in the dark party on friday for upper classmen only!!! yes i am an upperclassman!! weird. i am going to tie some string to a bat somehow and make a necklace out of it. it's gonna be awesome. and my room smells like peanut butter. i love my mom!

2. i am meeting tomorrow with one of the girls in my freshman study for lunch. her name is megan and she is really sweet. i am really excited to get to know her better!

3. i have been really busy this quarter, and my heart is starting to do that thing it does when i get stressed, which is start racing when i am just sitting at my desk. in the midst of all the stress though, God is really showing himself to me, and keeping me fairly calm. this is good.

4. i am tired. i am going to bed now.

5. i feel like i do lists a lot. i think i like them.

6. i miss caitlin and bailey.

christmas time is here...

okay, so it's not really here yet. but i am so excited for christmas!!! christmas is just my favorite time of the year. i love christmas music. i love that my family goes to home depot and spends a very long time deciding on the perfect christmas tree using a specified formula that involves my brothers and i sniffing the tree to see if it is christmasy enough. i love that we go to my grandma's to make tamales. i love that i can dig mary out of the box of christmas decorations and hang her on my door (mary is this female stuffed reindeer made out of a sock. she has huge fake eyelashes and big red lips and is really ugly and i love her. i don't know where she came from, but she has hung on my door since i was like four, back when i named everything i owned mary). i love that my friends at school and i have an ornament exchange (we will just do it a little later this year, when caitlin and bailey get back from europe!). i love that the smell of cinnamon is in the air. i love that everyone is a little nicer and has a spring in their step. i love that i get to help my dad put up the christmas lights, but he does the tall parts that i can't reach. i love that my mom has been making the same christmas breakfast for the past 15 years at least, but it is the only time of the year we get it. i love that my family and i go to the christmas eve service at church and just have a great evening of worship, thanking God for sending His Son. i love that we get christmas cards from friends. i love everything about the christmas season!

exciting things.

so this year has just been so stinking cool. i am still not very good at taking time out of my schedule to have quiet time to be alone with God, but i find it so amazing that despite that, i have been feeling so close to God lately, starting in the summer. He is always on my mind, and He is really teaching me to be joyful even when i am not happy (such as washing the dishes or doing salad bar duty at work). God is constantly teaching me things this year, and it has just been so awesome!!! i feel like last year, i was really trying to be close to God, but i just didn't feel close to Him. the problem was that i was relying on myself, not God,to bring me closer to Him. but starting this summer, God has just been really revealing things to me, and it's been awesome. it still blows my mind that a little imperfect dorky being like me can have a personal relationship with the Creator of the entire stinking universe! so basically, i am in a place of reverence and awe right now, and just loving how God really works in unexpected and beautiful ways.

good things.

1. talking to matthew on the phone and having open up to me about things.

2. chilling with amy and steph in our apartment, being dorks, laughing to loud, and watching a "say yes to the dress" marathon on tlc.

3. seeing God work in amazing ways through megan and i despite our shortcomings.

4. meeting new people at the crusade bbq.

5. running (aka almost dying) with steph and afterward buying jamba.

6. finding out that the party crazy babysitting lady (long story, ask if you want more info) is planning is actually her wedding.

7. being back in slo and realizing how freakin blessed i am.

things.

yes, yes, it's been a while. i know. i just never really had anything to say.

but now i do.

today was a horrible and a great day at the same time, i'm not really sure how. first, i set my alarm for 7 so i could get to my 8 am class on time. while i was getting ready, i checked my email and discovered this class was not 8am -10am, but from 8PM-10PM!!! that is when crusade is, and altogether just a horrible time for a class. needless to say, i was very distraught. this kind of tainted my whole day, my classes from 12-4 and then my work from 4-6. but while i was in the uu waiting for work (i got out of my other class early) and trying not to cry at my great misfortune in public (i'm tired and a cryer by nature, cut me some slack), i was listening to my ipod and a great song came on. "mighty to save" is an amazing song, and this is what it says: "Savior, He can move the mountains, my God is mighty to save". well then i thought, if God can move the mountains, i'm pretty sure he is able to deal with my silly problems and move my class, or maybe he has a greater purpose and i should just stay in this class. i felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders, and i felt soo much better after that. i am going to try to crash a few classes, but if that doesn't work out, i'm not going to worry about it. i have been lately learning that God cannot and will not be put in a box, and that crusade is not the only way to worship Him.

this quarter is going to be really busy for me, but i know that my God will get me through this. so i am feeling a lot better about everything now, and am ready to get in my pj's, watch an episode of how i met your mother (which is my new favorite show), and then go to bed.

ps. today is my half birthday! i just felt like it was worth mentioning.

a few adventures.

i feel like this summer i've almost always been doing things and going places! i like that. here are a few things i have done:

1. the ventura county fair with my dad. he dared me to go on that high thing you jump out of and are only attached to a rope by your feet, but i just didn't feel like it.

2. magic mountain with my cousins. sean was freaking out about going on goliath, but in the end he said it was "the funnest thing i have ever done in my whole entire life ever!". so i counted it as successful.

3. the spanish festival in santa barbara with my dad and neille at 9:30 on friday night on a whim. there were tons of people, music, food, and those fun confetti eggs you throw on people. also i ordered these delicious taquitos from a cute guy at the booth and he didn't make me pay for them :)

4. skateboarding at 10 pm in the streets. no one is out past then, so i can be horrible and i know people aren't watching and judging me, and no cars will come run me over as i am lying in the street after eating it.

5. the x games with my dad, brothers, and paul's friend eric. this is where we got the skateboards used in point number four, and other free things. i got to watch guys doing cool tricks on their bikes and stuff, so it was fun, even if my attempts to woo shaun white were foiled because i didn't see him. i know he missed me.

6. my grandma's house. i go every week with my brothers to do some work around their house for them and it usually involves a little bit of work and a lot of food. it's been fun to get to hang out with my grandparents, and i know my grandma likes having us around.

i just love summer because random adventures are so easy to have since everyone is free! i'm sure there are others, but these are the ones i can think of for now. this may be my last summer at home, so i am having fun and soaking it all in.

looking ahead

i am repainting my room! when i find my camera among all my crap, i will take pictures and put them up. but basically it is cream on top, teal on the bottom, and has a purple stripe in the middle. pretty cute, if i do say so myself. i just have to do one more coat of teal and then it will be ready to move back in! it was weird, though, i felt strangely sad covering up my light purple walls. that purple has seen me through a lot since eighth grade, and i was sad to see it go. it saw me through my first boyfriend, staying up late to do homework, sleepovers with my girlfriends, graduation, and everything in between. so while i was getting all nostalgic, my mom came in and said, "you're finally going to have a grown up room!". and that's when i realized that God has so much in store for me and my future, but if i am still looking back and trying to hold on to what i know, i will never be able to have new fun adventures he has planned for me. i don't know how i got all that from just painting my room, but i did. i know that with God, i can be excited about growing up and becoming more independent rather than being scared.

in other news, i saw harry potter 6 and i thought it was the best harry movie yet. if you enjoy it for what it is, and don't expect it to be exctly like the book, it is funny, entertaining, and not exactly like the book, but it stuck to the main ideas. however, i think it could be kind of confusing for people who have not read the books before because it goes kind of fast.

that's all for now, i'm working today at my friend's parents' office, so i am glad to be making a little money, and i am excited for neille to come back from australia on tuesday!!

goals.

i always make goals for the summer and never do them. well, this year will be different, i am determined, and have already gotten off to a pretty good start. my goals for the summer are, in no particular order, as follows:

1. learn to sew.
2. go on bike rides [i have already been on two, both to golden spoon, both eventful. on the first one, ellen almost fainted, and i felt bad, but also good not stop laughing because i always laugh at inappropriate times. on the second one, i fell into a bush, resulting in me feeling both like a loser and a whimp, both of which i most likely am].
3. learn stick shift [my dad has already taken me out once, and by the end of the summer, i want to be able to go somewhere outside the high school parking lot. bonus if i don't stall].
4. spend time with my brothers and amber [amber is my brother's new girlfriend for those who don't know. i have already done a good amount of this, and it's been good].
5. get back on a regular schedule for spending time with God.
6. get a job.
7. go on a boy fast [this involves no flirting, except when unavoidable, which i believe can be the case sometimes, without being rude, or i just don't know how to politely not flirt with a guy when he is flirting with you. anway, it also involves not going out of my way to talk to a guy, which i know should be the case all the time, but who are we kidding? i know no girls who ever succeeded at this all the time, least of all me. i think the girls will all agree this fast is much-needed].
8. get a tan [in progress].
9. make new friends.
10. go to cornerstone.
11. be more outgoing and less self conscious about it.
12. always be reading a book, at least a little bit a day [i have already read two].
13. read the newspaper [i just made this up, but i should really know more about what is going on in the world/ our country. which shouldn't be hard, because at the moment, i know very little about any of this].
14. love everyone [so, so hard].

i'm sure there are many more, but this is all i can think of for the moment, and so far i've gotten a pretty good start to it.

the first days.

so far this summer, i have:

1. gone to a college bible study with people from church. i'm excited to bond with them.

2. cleaned my grandma's house and discovered a picture from when she was young. let me say, my grandma was a fox.

3. jumped off a thirty foot cliff into water (and it only took paul half an hour to coax me off the edge).

4. shown my brothers the beauty that is 10 things i hate about you.

5. applied for like 7 zillion jobs. hopefully one works out.

6. gone to taco bell 3 times.

i'd consider this fairly successful for the first five days. and tonight my brothers and i are going to sleep on the trampoline.

ode to my girls

laughing until we can't breathe
late night snacks
crying
chick flicks
screaming
singing in the car
comforting
watching friends
annoying each other
joking
talking about boys
encouraging
eating
baking
hugging
shopping
loving.

soundtrack.

so, lately i have become obsessed with certain artists and songs. i love new music, and when i hear a song i like, it just makes me happy! so here are a few that i have been obsessing over lately:

1. take care- copeland
2. just a boy- angus and julia stone
3. autobahn- anberlin
4. no one really wins- copeland
5. you belong with me- taylor swift

also, i am trying to think of a new name for my blog, because i don't like it. so any suggestions would be helpful.

heatstroke.

i have not blogged for a while, and don't have anything specific to say, but i feel like i should say something. so here's a list:

1. it was 100 degrees today! i love heat, but not quite this much. no idea where this came from, it was freezing last week! but at least i can wear the new tank tops i got for my birthday...

2. i feel like i have so much to do! not in a school way, but just things with my summer plans and whatnot.

3. speaking of summer... i wasn't that excited about it because i won't really see any of my friends from school, but i've started getting excited for golden spoon, the beach, my prospective summer job, bonding with my brothers, and seeing my friends from home. and if that's where God wants me, then it's gonna be awesome no matter what.

4. i want to go to the beach! i need to tan.

5. i went to the pat little band concert on sunday night, and it was amazing! i was on such a high after that.

6. i have really been struck again by the significance of Christ's sacrifice for us, and it never ceases to amaze me. i never did anything close to be deserving of the love and grace he continually gives me, and i am just being struck again by how amazing God is. it's a good thing to remember.

7. the picture was taken at montana de oro a few weeks ago, and has nothing to do with this entry, i just liked it.

spring break

here are some pictures from my spring break. i mostly just hung out with my family and friends, and worked a little. it was very relaxing and low key, which is exactly what i needed! i am already one week into the spring quarter, and the weather is fabulous! it's so warm and sunny, i love that i can finally break out my shorts and flip flops. so far, it has been good and not too stressful, hopefully it will stay that way!

a much needed break

i am finally done with winter quarter!! this one was hard for me, emotionally and academically, but it really helped me to rely on God even more. he totally helped me get through everything. my last final was done on friday at 4, and right after i got out, my friend tim drove steph and me home. we had a great drive involving rocking out to music, in n' out, and dr. pepper. when we got to my house, tim and steph came to dinner with my family and me, which was really fun. then i hung out with my family a little bit before i fell asleep on the ground in the living room (i stayed up all night on thursday night finishing work, so i was exhausted!).

saturday was nice and relaxing, i just went grocery shopping and hung out with my family. sunday was my birthday! i am now officially 20 years old. it's weird, but in a good way. i got lots of calls and texts and facebook comments, so i felt very loved. i went to church and got to see all my family at bethany, which was really nice, then we went out to lunch at topper's, my favorite pizza place. then we went to my grandparent's house, which was really fun. my grandma made angel food cake with whipped cream and strawberries, so i'm not really sure how much closer to heaven i could have gotten, because it was amazing. my brother paul is in photo class, so we had to do a few photo shoots for that, which was fun. then at night i just kind of hung out. tonight my mom is making me my birthday dinner, because last night paul wasn't home.

this week i am filling in at my friend's parent's business as a receptionist, so i'm here from 8:30-12:30 every day, and it's pretty slow, so i'm just going on facebook, writing on my blog, and catching up on private practice and grey's anatomy. sounds like a good job to me. tomorrow, i'm not working, though because my mom is taking the day off and we are going shopping, which will be really fun.

i am really glad it's break. as much as i love being at school, i really need a break to get away from all the drama and stress in my life and just have a week to relax and catch up with my friends from home. it'll be really good for me to focus on God, and just listen to him and what he wants me to do about all the decisions i have to make. well, now i am off to watch private practice. i love this job!

nose piercings and linnaea's

so this weekend, steph's friends from home came up to visit and we decided to get our noses pierced. i had wanted one for a long time anyway, so i am really happy that i finally did it, instead of just talking about it. steph held my hand, and i squeezed so hard, it started turning purple! but i really needed that because i was scared! i definitely won't have it for the rest of my life, but college is the time to do fun, crazy, spotaneous things, and i have been trying to grab all those opportunities before it's too late. i really like my nose ring, and have been cleaning it obsessively so it doesn't get infected.

today, bailey, caitlin, and i went to linnaea's to study. it is this really cute cafe, and we got to sit outside and work on our tans while i studied for my music theory final tomorrow. it was a very fun way to do something very boring.

i am so excited for friday because that means:
1. i will have no more finals or projects
2. i will have no stress for a while week
3. i get to see my family and friends at home
4. it will be two days until my birthday

if anyone can get me through this week, it's God.

1 Peter 5:7 "Cast your anxieties on Him because He cares for you."

basically, God is the best.

girly.

so after that rant, i am feeling much better knowing that God is perfectly capable of handling everything we are dealing with. i just have to let him.

but anyway, tonight is night at the oscars! i am going to dinner with a bunch of friends, and then going to a church where we will watch movies that people in campus crusade made. and the best part is we get to dress up! i love dressing up. i am such a girl. and i'm ok with that.

now we are going to stephanie's apartment to do our hair and makeup and whatnot. i'll put up pictures soon!

grey.

i wish things were black and white. this is definitely wrong, this is definitely right. this is bad, this is good. this is black, this is white.

there is hardly anything in my life with a definite answer. and that is really frustrating. a lot of the time, other people are affected by my indecisiveness, not just myself. and that sucks.

grey isn't even a pretty color! black and white are classy, why do you need another neutral color added to it? it doesn't know if it wants to be light or dark.

but i think i know why there is grey in life. because if everything was simple, black and white, you wouldn't need to ask God to help you make the decisions. and maybe if we had listened sooner, grey wouldn't have been such a problem. because God would have told me what to do. i just never asked.

as it is, i will be hopefully doing a lot more consulting with God in all of my decisions before i go around making decions on my own, because clearly things go wrong when i try to figure things out for myself.

hot n cold

so, i'm not a huge fan of katy perry, but her song "hot n cold" is just so catchy!
i bought it about an hour ago and have already listened to it 14 times. pathetic? probably. but anyway, the lyrics talk about a guy who doesn't know what he wants and is hot and then cold, yes and then no, in and out, up and down, wrong when it's right, black when it's white... etc.

and guys can totally be like this, and i have a friend who was in a situation like this recently. but girls are exactly the same way! i am so fickle, it is not even funny. i want to wear an outfit, and then five minutes later i change it. i really like this guy, and then a few minutes later i can't stand him (this is not a specific guy, it's just how all of my crushes are). i want something for dinner, and then after i make it i want something else. my friends all know this about me, but i am just not good at sticking with my decisions.

in bible study last night, we were talking about king xerxes (who married esther), and how he and haman (xerxes' right hand man) both based decisions on their emotions, which are subject to change at any second. they are not the only ones guilty of this. i need to bring ALL of my desicions to god, not just the "important ones". so through this catchy song written by a girl who "kissed a girl and liked it", there is actually a pretty good moral.

guess we all "change our minds like a girl changes clothes".

and now i have listened to this song 17 times. i need to stop the madness.

thoughts and a bit of advice.

if you want to speed on the freeway, don't. you could get a ticket, and unless you have a spare $235 lying around that you feel like giving to the police, it's not fun to pay. and if you have tons of extra time to devote to traffic school then it's no biggie. but if you have fifty million other things to do, and are poor, like me, just resist the need for speed. lesson learned.

on the upside, i think my roomies and i are making pizza for dinner tonight!

also, today, i have been single for exactly one year. and i am totally good with it.

and lastly, i discovered today that cheddar and herbs chips are delicious.

toothbrushes

in my bible study and dicipleship (no idea how to spell that) we have been learning about what it means to be a woman of God. i've really enjoyed this, and while i have a long way to go, i know that i can trust God to mold me into the woman he wants me to be. probably the weirdest thing about this is realizing that i'm not really a "girl" anymore. i can be, trust me, i have my share of immature moments daily, but gradually i am becoming more of a woman and less of a girl. growing up. creepy.
anyway, the other night, me and a bunch of my friends got together for a girl's night, and we made those toothbrush bracelets. basically, after an hour of plucking out the bristles and then boiling them in a pot of water and taking them out and trying to bend them so they stayed on our wrists, they became deformed bent plastic things that still didn't stay on our wrists (wait for it, i'll tie it back in). i put the toothbrush in the water and took it out at least 20 times trying to bend it into a bracelet, but that stubborn little thing did not want to be a bracelet! now here is where i tie it back in. a lot of times, i resist God trying to make me the person he wants me to be. i know that his plan for me is so much better than any plan i could make for myself, but i am still a stubborn little toothbrush. so lately i have been trying to relinquish control and let God bend me into whatever he wants me to be. it's not easy, but in the end, i will be the prettiest bracelet (or whatever, maybe i am taking the analogy too far) there ever was.
p.s. who says i am bad at uptdating my blog?? second time this week, thank you very much.

oh, it is love.

i know valentine's day was a little while ago, but it has still been on my mind. during this time it is especially hard to think that God has a great love story ready for me, and in his perfect and unfailing timing, that will unfold. while this is something i think about, i wasn't really sad this singles awareness day. no, i didn't have someone to bring me roses (but something edible is preferred), or take me out to a fancy dinner (i actually would rather prefer something casual, i'm not a huge fan of vday anyway b/c it is just a ploy to get people to spend money on dumb things telling the people they love they love them even though they should be doing that everyday). but i'm ok with that. i spent valentine's watching a movie with my parents, and my brother bought me golden spoon.
i am so lucky to have my family. my brothers are turning into amazing guys (not men yet, but soon), and since we've grown up, we've been able to decrease out arguing and attempts to annoy the crap out of each other and have been able to become friends. i love them. my parents are amazing people and i am so lucky to have ones that still are in love with each other after all these years. i am also so lucky of how supportive of me, and their faith in me to make my own decisions, and of how they do not judge me, but they are so loving and fun to hang out with. i can only hope i am half the parent that mine are.
i am also incredibly lucky to have my bffls at college. i really and honestly don't know what i would do without them. we support each other through everything, rate boys' hotness, encourage each other in our faith, and would do anything for each other. they know every mood i have even when i don't say anything, mostly because i am horrible at concealing my feelings. but they are the best.
and most of all, i am so beyond lucky to have a Savior whose grace and love is neverending. i don't want to think where i would be without it. i know that God has a perfect plan for me, and it gives me great comfort to know that whatever happens is for his glory. he sees the present, but he also sees the future, so i can know that he has it all under control.
this is becoming really long, but the point of this rambling thing is that, yeah, i don't have a boyfriend. yes, i would like to have one eventually. but in the meantime, i am able to work on becoming the woman my future husband, my friends, my family, and my God deserve. i already have so much love in my life, and for that i am so grateful. i just love love.

just for fun

so i saw this thing on facebook and it looked like fun, so i am going to do it before i start my pile of homework.

1.YOUR REAL NAME
laura de la rosa

2.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(mother and fathers middle names)
elizabeth paul

3.NASCAR NAME:(first name of your mother's dad, father's dad)
keith john

4.STAR WARS NAME:(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)
della

5.DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite color, favorite animal)
Purple elaphant

6.SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, town where you were born)
elizabeth west hills

7.SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning)
The turquoise dr. pepper

8.FLY NAME:(first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
lade

9.ROCK STAR NAME:(current pets name, current street name)
lola canyon

10.YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle)
lauizzle

12.YOUR IRAQI.. NAME:(2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, first two letters of your middle name, last two letters of your first name then last three letters of your last name)
alelraosa

13.YOUR GOTH NAME:(black, and the name of one of your pets)
black bob

i think it's safe to say that my normal name is the best. it is raining here, so i am in my sweatpants. i am going to do my take home midterm for science, get some laundry done, and drink hot chocolate. later tonight, i am going to watch 13 going on 30 and learn the thriller dance! today will be the relaxing, [hopefully] productive day that i need.

spotlight

i know it's been a while, so i will give you a sparknotes version of my life since thanksgiving: finals, home with steph, disneyland, christmas happiness, guitar hero, best sandwich ever, family bonding, back to school, friends, school, evil teacher, sick, getting better, haircut, superbowl party.

i really love my new haircut. i was really scared, but i am glad i took the risk, because now my hair is healthy, i feel better about myself, it takes have the time to get ready in the morning, and i look older! i've already gotten lots of compliments too!

basically right now i am just enjoying life, loving my friends like crazy, and taking in God's amazing love. not too bad, if i do say so myself. my goal is to write at least once a week, maybe two. we'll see how well that works out.