2011 in review.

this is what happened in my life this year:

i started out january feeling extremely stressed about school and had lost a lot of weight, i finally told james and my parents about it, i started caring about school again and doing much better, i saw a therapist, my stress lowered, i enjoyed time with caitlin and bailey, we wondered when james was going to propose, i fell asleep every night above emily, we wondered when dan was going to propose, he finally emailed me asking me to take pictures of their proposal, i had an excruciating 4 days not telling emily this huge secret, i got to watch two of my dear friends get engaged and it was magical, james and i celebrated v-day with chipotle and cold stone, my brothers visited, i started gaining weight and getting healthy again, i was doing everything in my power to not think about weddings, my brothers turned 17 and 19, it was spring break, i stayed in slo for my golden birthday, i turned 22 on the 22nd of march, i went to dinner with james, micah, caitlin, and james' family for my birthday, i went home for the second half of spring break, james came with me, we had fun in newbury park, we drove back to slo, james wanted to stop in pismo, he proposed and i said yes! we told everyone, james started work full time, i went back to school, we started planning, i found my wedding dress, we decided to have a short engagement and get married in august [best decision ever], my friends and i contemplated all the change that was happening, we hung out with my parents in santa barbara for my mom's birthday, school was out, i had a lot of wedding things to do, i moved back home, i trained for a 5k with my mom, james and i road tripped to yosemite for luke and breanna's wedding, i got to be a bridesmaid, we had so much fun dancing the night away, my family and james and i then drove up to hume to see paul for a little bit, we drove home, it was 4th of july, we ran the 5k, i did it in 34 minutes and almost threw up on a guy's shoes, i was proud, my mom won 3rd place in her age group and a watermelon, james, ellen, my family and i celebrated the 4th at bethany, my mom and i continued planning, ellen helped a lot, we got addicted to the bachelorette and expedition impossible, i enjoyed being with my family, i had a lot of dress fittings, i worked out a lot with my mom in classes at the ymca and actually enjoyed it, my dad tore a ligament in his foot bike riding, we wondered if he would be able to walk me down the aisle, i went to cayucous for my bachelorette party, it was fun, i stayed in slo the week before the wedding, i enjoyed time with caitlin and bailey before they left for scotland, i couldn't iron the dang table runners, i picked up my dress, we had the rehearsal dinner, i loved being with so many close friends and family, my friends and i ate smores, talked, and sat by the fire at my aunt's house, i tried to sleep, i woke up and threw up, all my bridesmaids came over, we prayed, we sang in the car, we helped my awesome wedding coordinator [steph] set up, we got ready, i got married to my best friend, we had the best day ever, we ate, danced, and had fun with our friends and family, we went to our honeymoon, we had a hot air balloon ride, we relaxed in carmel and santa cruz, we went back to slo and work, we got the house set up, my dad had foot surgery, we got to hang out with mike, jo anne, and the twins, i enjoyed my classes, i told myself if i didn't ditch i would buy myself raybans, we visited family, we had 3 trick-or-treaters, my brother moved home from hume, our good friends jonathan and cassie got engaged and we got to be there, we had thanksgiving with james' family and it was great, i had dead week and james was gone for work, paul came to visit and it was nice, james came back and i had to study, i had 2 job interviews, i kind of got hired at a preschool, i finished finals, i definitely got hired at the preschool, stephanie came to visit, i cleaned the house, a bunch of family came for my graduation, the ceremony was boring, we went to dinner, it was great, a bunch of my family went to church with me, i was home cleaning, i read hunger games, we went to my grandparents' for tamale day, i christmas shopped like nobody's business, james and i enjoyed being married and figuring it out, i visited with my mom in santa barbara, we went to the tuccillo's for a few days and celebrated christmas eve with them, we went to my parents' that night and celebrated christmas day with my family, i got my raybans and tickets to see wicked, i was grateful, we drove back to slo, i took the train to see caitlin and bailey in oakdale, we had a wonderful time, i came home, james was glad i was back, and now we are celebrating new year's at home just relaxing since it's been so crazy lately.

2011, you were CRAZY but absolutely wonderful. God has shown Himself to me so much this year and i am more aware than ever of how undeserving i am of His love. whatever 2012 has in store for us, we will continue to trust God and i know He will take care of us. Happy New Year!

grad.

well, i finally did it. i graduated from cal poly. i entered as an insecure 18-year-old crying in the plaza because i was absolutely sure i would never make any friends. i exited as a slightly more confident, independent person. i am now married, have my own household, and know how to walk in heels. i have experienced friendship on a deeper level than i could have imagined and i am learning how to not run from the things that scare me. most importantly, i have learned that i truly am nothing without Christ. i could never have gotten through without my Heavenly Father guiding me and assuring me this was His plan for me. i skated my way through high school and thought i could do the same for college. this was not the case. cal poly has made me cry, given me more sleepless nights, and that feeling of dread in my chest more than anything else in my life. it was one of the hardest things i have done, and i never want to take that for granted. more than anything, college is about hard work rather than being smart. i consider myself fairly smart, but the hardest part for me was just convincing myself to move forward; to start that paper NOW instead of the night before it's due; to be okay with missing out on this or that in order to do well on that test.

graduation was so good. my parents, brothers, grandparents, in-laws, and uncle came to the ceremony, which meant a lot since it was so boring, but i will say it felt good to wear that cap and gown. the best part was my graduation dinner at uppercrust, where my other aunt, cousins, and uncle came as well. it meant so much to have all these family members who have not just supported me now, but all the way through. i was overwhelmed at first with how many people we had to worry about, but when i saw all of them there for me, i could feel nothing but extremely blessed. i have done nothing to deserve so many amazing people in my life, yet God continues to bless me. that is something i will never understand.

i would never have even started college without my parents. they have always known my potential and given their absolute best to me, even when i have not given them my best. and i know that God gave me james at the absolute perfect timing, only one of the reasons being that i probably would never have finished college without him. he somehow saw through my anxiety and procrastination and always pushed me because he knew i could do better. but after all the blood, sweat, and tears [mostly tears], it was totally God who got me through.

standing up there on the stage in my gown, i felt 4 and half years of stress lift off of my shoulders. i know being a grown-up brings a whole new set of challenges, but i feel ready to face whatever comes with james. sorry for making this super long, but i wanted to write this all down and look back on it one day, and never forget all the people that got me to where i am, because i never could have gotten here without them. thank you Jesus.

done.

on the day i finished college:

• james and i had to get up early to take my car into get serviced.
• i dropped james off at work then took his truck to the preschool, where i observed circle time.
• i then went to school, got a starbucks water [the best water there is], and went to the library to finish a reflection paper, email it to the teacher, and study.
• i went to my final and felt pretty good about it!
• i got out a very happy college grad!
• i had to go on a hunt for grad tickets bc everyone and there mother wants to go to my graduation [literally]
• i visited aunt karen and had a piece of cake from her office.
• i then went to target to celebrate, got another starbucks water and a personal pizza, and then shopped for christmas wrapping paper, dinner stuff, and a yummy smelling christmas candle.

i am now at home cleaning, since i haven't cleaned since before finals week and making dinner, which i also haven't done in a while.

the worst is over and i feel so relieved to finally be done with college!! now i can think about fun things and we can get our christmas tree on sunday!

the one where i don't want to study.

i only have to have a good attitude about school for 4 more days. gracias a dios. in the meantime, i am going to make a list of everything i want to do after i finish my finals:

1. finish my yarn wreath/learn how to make felt rosettes.
2. visit with stephanie!
3. go on a nice date with james.
4. see breaking dawn [again...] at the drive-in with olivia.
5. find a cute holiday dress.
6. get a christmas tree/decorations.
7. finish christmas shopping.
8. clean out all the boxes i have yet to unpack from under the bed/next to the couch.
9. work at the preschool [i kind of got a job there!!!]!
10. save up/ plan for italy [fall of 2012??]!
11. learn how to cook/bake better/ be a better housewife in general.
12. join a gym.
13. visit caitlin and bailey in oakdale!!!!!
14. finally join pinterest.

okay i think that's it. all of these things sound infintely more wonderful than studying/writing papers which is what i have to do now. but, in four days, i will be free. FREEEEEEE.

a quick break.

so my last dead week is upon us. on schedule, my heart feels like it has an elephant sitting on it. but i know it will all get done and i will be done with college FINALLY!

i am in the process of making a wreath, i hope it turns out nice. when i finish and IF i like it, i might post a picture of it.

my brother is in town for a few days and it's really nice to have him around. i just saw my whole family this weekend, but it is different hanging with my family members one-on-one than it is to hang out with them all together. i feel like i get a better insight into their lives when they are alone, especially paul. we rented super 8, ate at panera, the habit, jamba, and taco roco. us dlr's are nothing if not good eaters. having paul here reminds me that i can still be close to my brothers even when we are far away. i think i am starting to accept that our relationship is going to be different now [it has been for a while but i was just angry about it], but not everything has to change. we can still joke around and know exactly what we are talking about when commiserating about parents [they're amazing, but you know how it is sometimes]. i still know when he is lying and what kind of clothes he likes. we are becoming grown-up versions of ourselves, and now we are getting used to the grown-up version of our relationship. it's good.

i am making headway on christmas shopping, but will probably put that all on hold until my finals are over.

okay back to my text set assignment!

get down...

on friday! this weekend i have a spanish poem to write. i have entitled it "donde". very artisitic and mysterious, no? well that's as far as i've gotten, so that's all the info you're going to get on that for now ;)

also, i bought my CAP and GOWN! woo!!! i am seriously offically graduating!! it feels awesome.

this weekend will bring lots of relaxing with james, since he got called into work the other day at 2:30 in the morning and worked til 5pm. we're just going to watch movies, bake things, and not worry about anything.

i am currently realizing that freshmen are slightly self-centered and don't think of other people when they cancel important group meetings on campus for stupid reasons at the last minute [psych group freshies... i'm talkin to you]. although i'm sure i was never like that when i was a freshman [or now] ;) some of us do live off campus though, people.

at six we have a newly married couples group! this will be the first time, so we'll see how it goes!

that's about it going on around here... though applause is appreciated for writing twice in one week. happy weekend!

i'm out of touch.

hello from the dead! my excuses for not blogging are either that i have nothing to write about or too much to write about. the former was true for a while, and now the latter is true. so i'll try to keep this concise [ha].

• this summer james and i decided i would graduate from cal poly this quarter and go back for my credential later. i was afraid to tell people this for fear that they would think i was copping out or tell me i am a failure. i am now trying to be honest and just tell people because i really do know this is the best decision for us at the moment. i am really excited to walk and have that diploma!
• i have a potential job as a preschool teacher which would be so awesome! i am really hoping i get it.
• this will be my first big holiday away from my family, which i am sad about, but it also means i get to spend thanksgiving with my husband [it's still weird sometimes] and his wonderful family, so for that i am extremely excited.

that's about all the big news for now... so i will end with some thankfulness since it's almost thanksgiving. i am thankful for the tiny apartment i share with my nice husband, figuring out marriage, knowing i do not have to be perfect [still working on that one], old friends who know me as well as they know themselves, girls' nights with new friends, target, and grace.

an attempt to regulate my blogging.

i would like to eventually have at least one picture in all my posts, but this will not be the start of it.

this weekend i have to write two papers.
i went to the doctor and got a flu shot and diagnosed with psoriasis. my skin doesn't look as nasty as the pictures on google though, i promise.
this weekend james and i are just going relax and relish in the fact that we have nowhere to be. maybe we will go to the beach. maybe we won't.
my family went to disneyland without me yesterday.
i am officially in a 5th year girl's bible study and i am excited about it. i feel like this year God wants me to get out of my shell and reach out to people instead of waiting for friends to come to me. i am okay with this now.
school is good [say whattt??].
being married is awesome.
the weather is good.
things are good.
life is good.
God is great.

new.

i am going to be trying real hard to blog regularly, but in the mean time i am just adjusting to this new season of my life.

a season of being a wife [which is awesome btw].
a season of making new friends.
a season of finishing school.
a season of having my own house to decorate and clean.
a season of learning to cook.
a season of forgiving people who have hurt me, letting go of bitterness, and of moving forward.
a season of learning and loving and buying veggies at the farmer's market.

to new seasons!

this week

i have my bachelorette party!
i see caitlin and bailey!
i see paul!
james and i finally ended our long distance!
i live in slo again!
i get to wear my dress!
i get MARRIED!
woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
maybe after this i will be a good house wife and blog all the time about my cute crafty home and yummy dinners.

maybe not.

mind vacay.

hello again my old friend! yes it has been too long, but oh well. i was in hawaii last week which was wonderful. it was full of sunscreen, noses full of salty water, walks on the beach with james, bad tv with matthew, discovering matthew snores like NO OTHER, missing paul, my hair turning into a monstrosity, various fruity alcoholic drinks [cause i can drink them now!], bare feet, and tan skin.

then i came back and was bombarded with stress at realizing how much i have to do [moms are great at reality checks, which is not so great]. my mind was def on vacay along with my body, and now i have a really long list of things to do. when i get stressed, my mind likes to bow out and ignore everything i have to do, which i know is not necessarily healthy. but i am feeling okay about everything now, and i am just reminding myself how much i have to look forward to with this wedding.

1. for starters, i get to keep james!!! he is my best friend and i am really and truly looking forward to grocery shopping, bickering over tv channels [oh wait, i think you need a tv to do that], decorating our house, chatting as we fall asleep, and just getting to call him my husband.

2. also, what other time in my life will all the people i love come together only for the purpose of celebrating me?? maybe my funeral, but that's lame since i won't get to actually be there... but i suppose i will have better things to do then [hey hey jesus!!!] so that's okay.

3. my dress [which, as i tell james, is a hot pink, turtleneck mini dress]!

4. cupcakes!

5. dancing!

6. my family!

7. burritos!

8. getting to share my and james' love for jesus and each other with everyone!

9. honeymoon!

and of course lots of others, but this is just to help convince myself we are better off doing this than eloping to some exotic, romantic foreign country. i usually convince myself of it when i am not stressed. but in the end, i know all i will remember is getting to share in such a special day with all the people i love, and that's all it is about. i know all that stress will melt away the second i see james' smile as i walk down the aisle.

updates.

i ran two miles today without walking!!! i am sure there are plenty of superathletes [my own mother included] who would not count that as a big deal, but for me, it totally is and gets me one step closer to running the 5k on monday. so yeah, i am pretty dang proud of myself.

i see james thursday! then we will drive up to breanna's wedding. i am so excited to see james for four days straight, celebrate luke and breanna, and dance all night!

i am now a master at skip to my lou on the guitar. i take what i can get.

that's it for now... taco tuesday!!!!

home away from home.

i have come to the realization that slo has become my home. four years later, and i have transitioned.

i am at my parent's house for the summer. i love them, i love spending time with my family, but i miss slo.

i miss walking downtown for calzones at farmer's market. i miss the horses outside my window at work. i miss high street deli and the colorful coffee shops on every corner. i miss hearing gilmore girls in the living room and the laughs and screams of emily and lauren. i miss dropping by on a whim to see caitlin and bailey, and strolling arm in arm with them to get yogurt or look at books. and i miss the comfort of knowing james is always somewhere within ten minutes of me, just in case.

i know this seems dramatic, and i will be back in two months. it's just hard being away from the place you have come to love as home. everything is different here. not in a bad way. it just is.

but i am done complaining now and completely ready to embrace all this summer has to offer me. for me, this summer means: running with my mom, planning my wedding, skyping with james, visits to the library [since i am poor and have no money to buy books], guitar/banjo lessons with matthew, learning stick shift from my dad, visiting my grandparents, and getting involved in the young adults group at church.

it also hopefully means i will be blogging a lot more.

[ps. credit to james for the title. he was proud of it.]

if love was a game you'd never play nice.

when i was in kindergarten, i was introduced to a tortuous ritual i had never heard of before: picture day. my mom and i practiced smiling for the entire month before that fateful day. every time i passed a mirror, i paused to give the mirror my best happy smile.

on the day of, i put on my frilly easter dress, had my mom do my hair in a bun that made it look like i had no hair [i already looked too girly in my dress], and marched into the classroom as my mom called, "smile pretty!" after me. i was all set for the best kindergarten pictures ever.

when i got into the room with the photographer, i sat on the stool and got all ready to flash my winning smile. for some reason, the photographer felt the need to say, "look sad". i understand the irony now, but did he seriously think a kindergartner would find humor in this? i am by nature a people-pleaser [my best and worst quality]. kindergarten laura was horrified to have everything she had been taught for the past month be completely contradicted in one fell swoop. i did not want to blatantly disobey the photographer, but i also did not want to disappoint my mommy, or look ridiculous and sad for my picture, so i settled for nothing. i didn't smile and i didn't look sad. i blankly stared at the camera. yes. full-on deer in the headlights status. it was a very traumatic moment in my young life, but now my family and i just laugh every time we unpack the christmas ornaments to find the clay star with my infamous picture glued to it surrounded by glitter.

all this to say that i have found a new song to be obsessed with, and it reminds me of this [hopefully endearing] story.

debbie?

feel sorry for me yet? ;)

okay i was just in a debbie downer mood the other day.

i do have so much to do, but i think after tomorrow at 7 i feel feel much better, with my final done and summer in my hands.

i really have no reason to complain.

school is looking up, my family will be here tomorrow, and i have the summer to plan my wedding to the man of my dreams. i think i have just had a lot on my mind, but i need to just turn my attitude around.

i am so blessed, and this past weekend, i had my first bridal shower! it was thrown by the amazing caitlin and bailey. they really outdid themselves, and if i didn't know they liked me before, i definitely know now! i'll do another more detailed post on it later, but it was so wonderful, and i felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

so my apologies for being a stick in the mud lately, and i will be back soon to share some more upbeat details of my life.

to thankfulness!

haitus?

yes i have been gone.

i just feel you don't need me updating every time i have a freak out about how much i have to do.

so maybe later i will be back.

life.

here are some pictures from my visit with my parents on sunday. james was there, but unfortunately i was a horrible fiance who did not bother to take any pictures, so he is not in any of them. we had a wonderful day of walking state street, shopping, eating mexican food, crafts, the pier, and ice cream.

in other news, the bed bath and beyond website informs me that james and i are getting 6 presents from our registry! woo!

tonight i am watching a movie with my roommates and falling asleep to the sound of the rain. life is pretty dang good.

updates.

this past weekend was a blast! i forgot cameron, so the picture-less saga continues. but it was so fun to celebrate breanna getting married, see my old friends from high school, go wine tasting, lay in the sun, and just be a silly giggly, girl. i love how i can see my old friends and we can hug and joke and laugh like we just saw each other the other day.

on another note, we got our save the dates yesterday so i have been a mean, lean, addressing machine! we are hoping to get them out by this week. i cannot believe how smoothly everything is going. i am just so excited to be married to james. what a blessed girl i am.

this weekend, we start our premarital counseling which is great! i highly recommend the book we are reading, saving your marriage before it starts. it's written by a married couple and offers very practical advice for couples who are engaged or newly married.

on sunday is my mom's birthday so i think james and i are going to drive down to santa barbara to meet my parents for lunch. i am so excited to celebrate with my parents and see them if just for a day.

suffice to say things are going pretty well! God is just blessing us and i never want to take that for granted. it is all because of Him. now off to bed so i waking up at 6 tomorrow won't be too painful.

madre.

so this is one day late, but i would like to give a shout-out to my wonderful mother. when i was younger, she always said, "i'm not your friend, i'm your mother", so we wouldn't be disrespectful when we talked to her. well unfortunately for her, that never worked. my mom is one of my best friends and role models. she is so strong, and that strength has always inspired me.

one of my favorite memories with her was when i was in 8th grade. i was a dramatic beezy and had just found out the boy i liked was going on a valentine's date with my other friend. when i got home i was being super angry and stupid, and a few minutes later my mom came into my room with a snack and just listened as i ranted all my crazy out. even though i know she probably thought i was being ridiculous [which i was], she just listened and gave me advice.

my mom has always been there for my brothers and made us her first priority and that has always meant so much to me. love you mom!

hello.

i have not had too much to blog about lately in between school, emailing vendors, and enjoying this weather.

last night james and i had a picnic on the beach, which was lovely; however, we forgot to bring cameron, so we still have no pictures of my life at the moment.

this weekend i am going to my friend breanna's bachelorette party which i am really looking forward to! maybe then i will have pictures and something exciting to share with you.

YAY weekend!

the change in my pocket.

my latest obsession. i do not watch glee anymore, but i officially have a woman crush on gwyneth paltrow. she is gorgeous and i love her voice! plus i just love this song.

yup.

126 days until i am a married lady.

maybe i should wait to make that paper chain.

plans.

what do i want to do this weekend...

hmmm...

oh.

that's right.

absolutely NOTHING.

saturday.

i woke up and registered with james at bed bath and beyond. it was long but fun.

we ate our olive garden leftovers for lunch [pretty much the only leftovers i like].

i got to talk to megan irene!

i bought harry potter 7 part 1.

i drank a dr. pepper.

we went on a double date to the rodeo.

i ate an extremely saucy delicious burger.

today was a good day.

cameron's vacation.

so unfortunately, when my mom visited, cameron decided my mom's car was very comfortable so he stowed away all the way back to my parents' house [is this making it sound like it's not my fault i left my expensive camera in a car that drove 2.5 hours away from me and will be unlikely to return it very soon? good.]

anyway, this is the reason i do not have any pictures.

in other news, james and i are registering tomorrow! i am ninety percent excited and ten percent nervous we might end up wrestling in the middle of bed bath and beyond over how many wine glasses we need or whether or not baby blue is a completely hideous shade for a towel [it is]. so say a prayer we will have patience and i will remember the snacks!

this has been a crazy week, with wedding stuff, but mostly with school stuff. i have been trying really hard to make school a priority and i think i have been doing a pretty good job of it, i was just very tired after this week. so on thursday, my roommates and i walked down to farmer's market and ran into bailey, who coincidentally needed a break as much [probably more] as we did. so we ate calzones with dr. pepper, watched kids dance in the street, and ate an extremely healthy brownie, strawberry, and whipped cream dessert. turns out it was exactly what we needed.

so there you have it. why there have been no pictures and why i am going crazy [like i wasn't before]. also, i have my ring back! yay. now to get some rest [it may help as i am struggling to NOT have a complete breakdown in the kitchen utensils aisle]. happy weekend!

hi.

i am sucking it up at blogging this month.

maybe it is because i am working really hard to do well in school.

maybe it is because i am trying to get my step a application ready.

maybe it is because the weather has been nice.

and MAYBE it is because i am getting MARRIED on august 26th and i have lots to do to get ready!!

it's all those things.

but mostly the last thing ;)

some thoughts.

ellen and my mom are coming to visit me!

we are going to check our a possible venue and go to a bridal fair. yay.

we are going to hang out and watch movies and stay at my aunt's house where i can do laundry.

yayy weekend!

trust.

to the one with the wounded heart
years of fighting have left you scarred
wait, the light will come

to the one with the distant eyes
all this crying has left you dry
wait the light will come
wait the light will come

lift your eyes, the sun has overcome the night
come alive as we shine in love's true light.

to the one with the wounded heart
the years of fighting have left you scarred
wait, the light will come

to the one with the distant eyes
all this crying has left you dry
wait, the light will come
wait, the light will come

lift your eyes
the sun has overcome the night
come alive
as we shine in love's true light

here is laughter beyond the tears
here is courage to face your fears
look the light has come

so rise you daughters and stand you sons
claim the victory that jesus won
look the light has come
look the light has come

lift your eyes the sun has overcome the night
come alive as we shine in love's true light.

lift your eyes the sun has overcome the night.
come alive as we shine in love's pure light.

-the light will come by phil wickham.

thank you Jesus.

[who wants to teach me to add youtube vids on here?]

lately.

1. i sent my ring away to get sized. i miss it.

2. my dad came to visit and it was so wonderful to see him.

3. i have been figuring out school stuff which is sucky but necessary. i just need to finish and push through.

4. two other couples i know got engaged this weekend!

5. i am going to a bridal fair on sunday! yayyy

6. can't wait to see ellen next weekend [and maybe my mommy]!

7. love love love.

some news.

i am engaged!!!

ahh i am basically just floating around and it feels so surreal and i am so happy right now. okay so here is how it happened:

james and i were at my parents' house for the weekend and we left today after church. as we got closer to san luis obispo, james turned off on the pismo beach exit. i had been wanting to go the beach for a while so we just walked around for a while and talked and took pictures. i dug for sand crabs and my hands were super sandy and nasty and cold, so james let me wipe my hands on his jeans. he is nice. and then we walked to the other side of the pier where there was a swirly slide. he told me i should go down the slide but i said it looked nasty and germ-infested, so i didn't want to go on it. when he agreed that it was a bad idea, i decided i wanted to go on it [duhh]. so i climbed up and slid down. when i got to the bottom, james was there at the bottom of the slide on one knee with the most amazing piece of bling i have ever seen. and then of course he asked me to marry him, and obviously i said yes! after i picked my jaw up from off the floor and my heart stopped pounding of course.

*caution: very cheesy things follow this warning. do not read if you have sensitive gag reflexes.*

james is so amazing and through dating him i have learned so much about life, love, relationships, myself, and God. i know God has totally been preparing each of our hearts for this since before we had even met and i feel so blessed and honored to know that i am going to be married to my best friend and someone who accepts me for all my weirdness as i am.

a few pictures:

the best we got together... lame i know.

mah bling. so simple and perfect.


a close-up

well put.

oh, heyy.

it's my birthday.

famille.

today my big thing that i am thankful for is my family. it was so good to spend time with them this weekend. proof of how awesome they are [maybe just because they humor me when i want to take photoshoots]:

haha. i was trying not to laugh.

the nice one.

ignore my gross face and the fact i seem to have lost a leg. do not ignore matthew's scary woman face or paul's christmas socks.

spring break.

is the bee's knees.

stupid finals.

24 hours and 6 minutes til spring break.

27 hours til home for the weekend.

2 days til breanna's bridal shower.

5 days til my birthday.

4819578495 days til my sanity returns.

jewels.

i think i have been feeling something lately that i have not been able to put into words. and now i am going to attempt to do just that. words.

i feel like a big part in my non-contentedness that i have been feeling lately comes from feeling like i am turning 22 in 6 days [ahh] and i guess i just thought i would have my life together by now. well i don't. not. at. all.

i am not graduating for another year [my fault], and as a result i guess i feel like i am still a little kid while everyone else i know is starting their next adventure.

in my dream world, i would be graduating, moving into a nice new beautiful apartment where i would have the money to buy brand new beautiful things and wear nice clothes, cook things, throw parties, have a pupppy, etc.

well, welcome to reality. none of this is happening. i know that the Lord has a plan that will be so much better than mine, but sometimes i just wish God's plan involved a sink that didn't plug up, anthropologie clothes, and a golden retriever.

so i am trying to learn to be thankful for the things that are happening in my life. not settling for less, because one day i will graduate and move on the the next phase, but that is not the stage i am in just yet. i am not settling, i am just learning to be happy in the stage that am in. i am looking for the good moments, because i tend to overlook them far too often.

so for now, i am thankful for the dew on the pasture across from the booth. i am thankful for waking up early and experiencing peace before most people wake up and the day starts. i am thankful for a quiet date with james, where we can be content sitting in the bookstore reading our respective books, not talking, and just be still with our feet intertwining. i am thankful that i can have honest conversations with caitlin and bailey, and i know they will not judge me. i am thankful for clean sheets and bright flowers and purple sharpie pens.

tonight, i will curl up on my ragged leather couch in my pajama shirt from target with the holes in the armpits, my hair in a messy ponytail, and study with a spirit that is thankful for the opportunity i have been given. a grateful spirit is always a process, but it is a process i plan on starting now and not finishing until i breathe my last breath. and i know once i start looking for things to be thankful for, they will show themselves much more readily, and i am excited to discover that.

life.

sometimes it is really hard for me to find good things in everyday life. after reading shauna niequist's book, cold tangerines, i have realized i have not been appreciating my life as much as i should be. here is my first attempt to break out of my negative nancy perspective. thank you jesus for these things:

my family [dad and paul not pictured].

my new shoes! an early birthday gift from bailey.

poppies on a calm, warm day.

fly me to the moon.

i'm going flying today!!!

YAY!

pictures to come.

happy friday.

seventeen.

today is my brother matthew's birthday [yes we are all born in march]. he is seventeen and the baby of the family.

it seems so weird to me that the youngest person in our family is now one year away from being an adult. it makes our family seem somehow boring and mature [though i can assure you it is not]. i remember the days when my brothers would try to sneak into my room when i had friends over so they could hang out with us. i would slam the door and yell at them to leave. i now wish i could redo those moments for i long for the days where my brothers thought i was cool and were begging to be around me. when we are all together, we laugh and talk and sing and do nothing. it is as though we were never apart. the times we are together are becoming shorter and farther apart, but i cherish every second i get with them. my brothers are loud. they are funny. they are annoying as all-get-out. and they are my best friends.

in keeping with my new-found birthday tradition, here are some facts about matthew:
1. he used to scare me by hiding fake plastic snakes all over the house.
2. i just recently realized i can no longer beat him up so i better start being nice to him.
3. at hume this winter, matthew tried on his snow pants and they were wayyyy too tight. like, if he were a girl i would have said to myself, "those girl's pants are wayyy too tight". i pretty much died laughing as he begged me to trade pants with him and paul made cat-call noises. they did make his butt look good.
4. matthew is extremely creative at writing, speaking, acting, and art.
5. when he was younger, he had the smoothest cheeks [baby cheeks] and i loved them. i would always pinch and kiss them. i'm pretty sure it bugged him but he was always a good sport.
6. he is now the second tallest in the family [paul being the first. sorry dad].
7. one time in colorado he and i took this old timey photograph and it is extremely embarrassing.
8. matthew knows almost everything there is to know about the civil war, and made us ship back a TON of civil war stuff when we went to the east coast [ex: a piece of a cannon, a fake rifle, and a replica sword].
9. when he was a baby he was so fat my dad called him bob's big boy.
10. matthew LOVES animals and they love him. a lot.
11. matthew has to work hard at school but he is kicking butt and is a great example of strength to me.
12. he has the same color hair as me but is white as a ghost.
13. matthew is learning to play the banjo and is pretty dang good at it now.

happy birthday, matty! you rock my socks.

words.

today i was sitting in the booth feeling sorry for myself because my hair is atrocious [really, at any minute it might attack] and i am tired [i know, i'm a peach], when a girl came through for a parking pass. she took forever to write her check and i just wanted her to leave. as she handed me her check, she said, "this may seem weird but everyday you always have the cutest clothes and i just love your shirt!" needless to say, i instantly felt sorry for wanting her to leave but it totally made my day! i truly have no idea how she thinks all my clothes are cute because i usually grab the first thing i see in the morning and throw it on without a second thought. even though that was not a big thing, her words really made my day so much better. and i saw on her check that her name is laura! proof that all lauras are awesome human beings. so thank you, other laura. you officially made my day.

now go say something nice to someone. you never know how much words can impact someone.

late.

my brother paul turned 19 on saturday. since he's up in chico, i didn't get to see him but i think he had a good time with his friends. here are some fun facts about paul:
1. he likes to pretend he is cool and tough by doing things like piercing his lip and wearing my pants.
2. but i know that he is a real softy.
3. his favorite color is green.
4. he cried at toy story 3.
5. he likes doing things that often get him hurt.
6. i can usually read his mind.
7. he is a horrible writer.
8. but he is great at math.
9. he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life.
10. he is good at photography.
11. he is a good person to cry to.
12. he eats soo much but is still as skinny as a stick.
13. he spits on the carpet in his room when he gets mad.
14. he is turning into a great young man and listening to God's will for his life.
15. i know he'll be just fine.

almost there.

my situation is looking much better from this side, with my presentation and both papers done. now i just have to study for spanish and write two one-page papers. this weekend will be nice without having to worry about schoolwork. james and i are going down south for his cousin's wedding, so it should give me a nice break.

mmm... this is what i daydream about. that's probably sad.

long night.

still writing my paper. almost done. lucky charms, a dinner bet with ellen, and a good talk with emily have helped my process along.

did i mention that this year is my golden birthday?

i didn't? oh good.

this year i will be 22 on the 22nd! golden birthday. and supposedly the best year or your life?

maybe if i don't have to write anymore papers.

birthday countdown: 20 days [i'm aware that both my brothers have birthdays before me, but whatever. i am more important/older/prettier/it's my blog and i'll do what i want].

pardon.

excuse my absence from the blogosphere this week [whatever a blogosphere is].

i have been too busy kicking school in the butt and will return later after i have finished another essay, written a paper for spanish, and practiced my flute to play in class [i'll explain later, my life is some weird cosmic joke].

and also after i have slept. a lot.

birthday countdown: 21 days.

president's day.

no matter how you feel about this guy, you have to admit, this is pretty cute.

ps. i figured out links. finally. be proud.

my first video.

no words are necessary. please enjoy this gem.

love.

i know it might be hard to believe from yesterday's post, but i hate valentine's day. however, i did enjoy eating my weight in candy, going to chipotle with james for dinner, chatting with my bible study girls, and climbing into my warm bed.

here are some things that i love, vday or not:


this goober for understanding me so well and not running for the hills at my strangeness. yet.


these crazies. for being, well, crazy.


and jesus. for giving me this and so many other wonderful things.

debbie downer.

caution: do not read this post if you feel like being lovey or happy today.

i have 2 midterms today that i spent all weekend studying for.

i hate vday.

i am having a bad hair day.

it is raining.

my feet are cold.

vday is stupid.

i probably won't even see james today.

but at least i have eaten a lot of chocolate today.

maybe i will be in a better mood later and post something nicer.

maybe.

this week.

i have a to-do list that is growing alarmingly longer every second and i am realizing now that finals are not too far away.

my stress level is increasing at about the same rate as my to-do list but i just have to let myself breath and tackle things one at a time. three midterms this week.

wish me luck [or say a little prayer, which would be more effective]!

i'm watching you...

and i got a new haircut. but i'm just kidding. i'll be too busy doing homework today to creep on anyone. so i'll let the picture do it for me in honor of valentine's day [because i hate that "holiday"].

also i apparently have a lazy eye? i never noticed it til this picture. great.

monday.

1. i got a B on my spanish test. booyah grandma.
2. i am OBSESSED with florence + the machine and their pandora station is wonderful.
3. my dad wrote the most ridiculous email to my family today about our annual camping trip to bridgeport.
4. i was playing around with windows movie maker and sped up a movie of james singing i saw the light so it is all fast and funny. haha.
5. mmm i love mint brownie ice cream! best.
6. Bible study was so good even though i definitely did not prepare for it enough. can you say jesus is awesome??!!
7. i get to hang out with james tomorrow during the day for a little bit in between classes! that's a nice surprise since we rarely see each other during the week and never in the middle of the day.
8. i have things to do but God has given me peace and shown me that my life is so so good and i am a very blessed little girl.
9. i think the count for weddings i am attending this year [march-september] has reached 5.
10. i love purple.
11. i am going to shave my legs now. i know you wanted to know that.

weekend.

this was a wonderful weekend. unfortunately, the few pictures that were actually taken are with james. boo.

thursday night james and i drove down to good ole t.o. and stopped at in n out on the way [a must]. my friend neille stopped by for a sec and it was nice to see my family.

friday we stopped by neille's new place to see the remodel and then went to my mom's classroom to see her be a teacher. after that my mom took us to panera for lunch. yum. then we drove down to my grandparent's house where my dad was doing some work on their house. so we visited and worked and ate, which was great. i had to go to david's bridal to get fitted for a bridesmaid dress, so it felt good to get that out of the way. then we went to cheesecake factory with my mom, dad, and matthew. it was nice to have a family dinner. then james and i kidnapped matt and took him to lazer tag haha. i felt like a tween boy, but it was fun to be goofy and watch matthew enjoying having a date just for him.

saturday we drove down to james' parents' house to say hi and i went to a bridal shower for his cousin with his mom. this was total payback for james trying to learn all my crazy family. i met everyone his family knows and their mother [literally]. but it was fun with good food, and i won a game! saturday night we headed back to slo and i slept like a baby.

today we had church, found out my dad was coming up to drop off a coffee table for me, and then went to lunch with him. it was nice to see him again even if only for an hour. and my dad always enjoys a good road trip. then we watched the superbowl [insert a comment that makes it seem like i was interested in this] while i did my homework. i am now tired but happy and will be going to bed early to gain motivation to kick school in the butt this week.

shower time. peace.

boo.

today nothing momentous or bad happened but it just kind of ended up being not that great of a day and left me feeling sad and cranky. and i don't really know why. i don't really have anything important to say i guess i just felt the need to be transparent and prove that my life is not perfect [even though i'm sure no one thought is was haa].

i guess i shouldn't be that sad because my dad just booked our flights for maui for july. yayy.

okay hw and then shower and bedddd.

candid.

life lately has been so good. i can only attribute it to God's grace and faithfulness in my life even when i completely do not deserve any of the blessings he gives me.

here are some things on my mind [not all good, but mostly]:
1. in love with the Bible study i lead and the girls in it.
2. newly obsessed with florence and the machine [thanks steph].
3. worried about my grandpa.
4. excited to see my family this weekend.
5. feeling good about school for once.
6. happy for dan and emily.
7. loving james and the pace our relationship is going.
8. expanding horizons and enjoying thai and chinese food [i never did before james].
9. writing in my prayer journal with purple pen is my therapy.
10. had a bad hair day today.
11. interested in pablo neruda [chileno poet].
12. anxious to get my geography test back tomorrow [the good kind of anxious].
13. surrounded by weddings [getting measured for a bridesmaid dress on friday].
14. reveling in God's grace.

dan and emily

on wednesday i got a message from my friend dan asking if i could take pictures of his proposal to his girlfriend emily, who is also my roommate! of course i said yes, and it was an excruciating 4 days because as we all know, i am horrible at keeping secrets and this was a really good one! luckily, i managed to keep my mouth shut and dan and emily had a wonderful proposal at the pier in pismo. the rain stopped and the sun came out just in time! it was gorgeous and such a special moment to be a part of. dan and emily are perfect for each other; i know the Lord has wonderful plans for them! congratulations dan and em!















[ps: happy 100th post to me!]

creativity.

i have none. but on occasion i will try my hand at painting and i finally finished this one so i thought i would share it!

i had the background done for about 3 months but i didn't know what to put on top of it so i just left it. finally i was inspired by another lady who did something similar to this so i thought i would put my own spin on it!

i just painted over the top again so there was wet paint and then cut out a heart from printer paper and put the heart on the paint. i poured glitter over the corner and then shook it off. i peeled off the heart and voila! super easy and i am pretty pleased with the outcome.

now just to wait 5 years til my next creativity kick!

sunny with a high of 75.

this is what i sing in my head every day the forecast says high of 75, which is what it said today.

"and it's funny when you find you enjoy your life when you're happy to be alive."

pucker up.

i just learned the average person has 28 first kisses. meaning the average person kisses twenty. eight. people. in their life.

am i just a kissing prude, or is that a lot??

thank you, weekend.

this weekend was good to me. i saw my brothers, got to sleep in [though i was sick... bleh], played with kids in children's church, saw friends, had numerous beach visits, bought a new cardigan, and finished a painting i have been stumped by for months. tomorrow my 8am class is canceled so i can get some more rest and kick this cold as well as have ample time to get homework done before i have dinner with james. so the goodness from my weekend seems to be overflowing into my week! another testament to the greatness that is Jesus.

*note: why yes, that is me rocking out on the tambourine with by brother playing the banjo. we're like the von trapps, but folksier. and not as talented.

hermanos.

they're coming on saturday! and i am oh so very excited.

for your viewing pleasure.

a few awkward photos.


angels lighting the background as feel up my bf. nbd.


eating.


waiting for bailey to kill me any day now.


courtesy of a. wyosnick.


me getting tired of james taking 574967583 pictures of me.

experimentacion.

here are some extremely awesome pictures of james and me playing with our new camera.







bear with us. we're learning.

today.

today is a good day to eat pasta for lunch.

it is a good day for heavy sweaters and wearing uggs.

today is a day to be thankful for.

it is a day to listen to phil wickham while doing homework.

it is the day to go to bible study.

today is a day to learn and grow and try.

pictures.

alright peeps, here are some pictures from my life lately and my new beautiful camera who is my new love.















1.me with matthew and his new baby, a banjo he names benny and crammed in the already burtsing-at-the-seams car for a 6 hour drive. i sat with benny in my lap for a good portion of the drive, but i'm not bitter...

2. vintage ornaments that were my mom's grandma's.

3. some of the cousins at christmas in our new sweatshirts/scarves.

4. paul doing what he does... in the snow at hume.

5. james on a photoshoot we had trying to figure out how to use the camera. what a model he is.

6. my mom came to visit the other day and we had dinner. i have such a wonderful mom!

7. bailey ruining an otherwise cute picture of steph and me on girl's night at klondikes.

there you have it! my recent life in pictures. i plan to post more pictures now that i have cameron... don't hold me to it though ;)